Prime Zombie Tenderloin

As per several sites, of course the most obvious being Wikipedia, Danny Boyle has announced (never you mind about it being reported 3 months ago) that after finishing his current project, "Sunshine" , he will be immediately moving on to the third chapter in his seminal zombie saga with "28 Months Later"

Being a licensed zombologist*, I have to say that while I wasn't quite as keen on 28 Days Later as most people were (though I can't claim to really dislike it either), its sequel 28 Weeks Later is unequivacally the best serious** zombie movie ever made. And before the flames start, I should remind you that I had sex with your sister last Tuesday, and she totally agrees with me on that one. That, and that your mom knows where her lipstick has been disappearing to.....you know what I mean...

* - Zombology > n. The study of Undead human animate remains, which is usually hampered by the sheer fun of saying this field of studies name over and over repeatedly whilst doing whippets.

** - The best of the best should be obvious already.

My Ulec Quel-Droma can beat up your Exar Kun!

In another issue of two-days-late-news, Lucasarts released the first trailer for Star Wars: The Force Unleashed" at E3 this week. Basically, from what I and my Teddy Rumpskin dressed as an Ewok doll can decipher, herein lies the first Star Wars button-masher. And we say this (well, at least I do. Good ol' Teddy/Wicket usually just responds to my questions with some bullshit about wanting to read me the Three Little Pigs via a 1987 cassette tape......that cold, uncaring bastard) with the upmost glee in our loins.

Despite whatever criticism one could launch on the genre as to how much skill these games require to play*, let me say two things:
1) Devil May Cry
2) God of War

And now, turn Dante/Kratos into a Jedi Knight.......

....whoops, I hope that doesn't stain.......

* - Devil May Cry 3 is harder to beat than a rhesus-monkey on angel dust......who's just been laid off from his job at the plant......and is an Oakland Raiders fan....

Ka....like the wind......

"The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed...."

This is rather dated and ambigious info, but its need to be mentioned is apparent:

Stephen King has sold the rights to a series of movies based upon his landmark and unequaled masterpiece of an uber-story, "The Dark Tower", to J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof (of "Lost" fame) for $19.00.

That's right. Nineteen bucks.

Okay, if you are a Dark Tower freak, as I most obviously am, you already know the significance of the number 19, particularly within the 5th, 6th and 7th installments. Which is, of course, just a tasty little nugget* as to why I am fairly confident that A) we will see a film adaptation of "The Gunslinger" within the next five years, and B) for everything bad anyone could say about previous S.King movies, this one looks to be going to ACTUAL fans of the series, hence might be the most orgasmatastical** event in the history of the human sense of vision.

here's one of the many stories around the net that covers this solstace of badassery: SlashFilm, but there seem to be many, many more to be found...


* - This, however, is not a nugget, despite several credible reports from our Nobel prize-winning staff journalist.
** - Oh yes, that IS a word. And here is its definition.

Random Portman of the Moment

I'm not obsessed, I just find the bushes outside of her house where I hide late at night very comfortable. The fragrant pine needles cover the smell of my bloodletting and masturbation which usually accompany the late-night....uhh....bush...sitting?

What?! I'm a botany fan, officer.

01-18-08...a day without sex...

If you listen closely, you can almost hear my penis cry as it realizes it will never be used again....


01-18-08

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOO, etc. etc. etc.

Some thoughts:

1) The whole movie better be shot this way.
2) If this turns out to be a monster flick on the order of recent monster flicks, I may lose my fucking mind. In other words, if Ferris Bueller or Hank Azaria show up on screen, I might kill some people. I'm not sure which people, but rest assured, some living thing will die.
3) Viral Marketing might be the key to eliminating the nerd-gene out of the human populace by means of occupying nerds' complete life with the search for cryptic clues buried on suspect flash websites.

Honestly, this movie might never have a chance to be half as entertaining as the speculation about said movie that has suddenly been blitzkrieg-ing the internet. Some favorite theories include: the monster is the "Lion" mentioned in the Book of Revelations; the monster is the goddess Shiva from Hindu mythology; the monster is Clthulhu of H.P. Lovercraft's classics; this is all some gargantuan plot-twist for the television show "Lost"; etc., etc., etc.

The horrifying truth about the monster's identity: one word.........Guttenberg.

Some more pics and links to follow later today....

Inauguration of the Anti-Vagina Emperor

Yes...Blogs. Delicious.

See here for information, commentary and outright illogical ranting about all things nerd. In other words, anything that requires an impractical amount of knowledge about a subject of fiction concerning the following subjects:

- Zombie Apocalypses.
- Space-based Fleet Battles.
- Scantily-clad, and immeasurably hot, women wielding weapons.
- Technology that serves no practical purpose, but has an increasing number of flashing lights, chrome-painted product casings, and questionable warranties.
- Turning masculine activities such as professional sports into statistics-based, RPG-esque math games.
- Plucky humans defeating highly-advanced robots using thinly-veiled plothole technology.
- Plucky humans defeating highly-advanced aliens using thinly-veiled plothole technology.
- Plucky humans defeating highly-plothole'd monsters using thinly-veiled witty banter technology.
- Video games with pretty explosions.
- Anything else that literally repels attractive women like RAID to cockroaches.

May the speculations, opinioniated ravings, followed by crying and cutting of one's self, commence!