"I'm Prettier Than You"

Natalie Portman continues her blitzkreig upon multimedia with another photoshoot today, this time for Marie Claire.

I gotta be honest with you. I've got nothing this morning. But she sure is purdy, ain't she? Seriously, this girl is ridiculous enough that I'm fairly certain I could use her as an example to beat Hitler in his anti-semitic argument. But I'd do it with class. You know, just lay back in the cut, and let him go all red-faced with his huge oration, burn a few books and get himself a nice round of circular logic going. And then, I'd simply stand and hold up this picture, without uttering a word.

Of course, after ol' Adolf was left to stammer for a moment or two, I'd want to ease his sense of awkwardness... by charging the stage with Captain America and Hulk Hogan, delivering obnoxiously-nicknamed, vaguely patriotic wrestling moves to all in attendance (i.e.: "The Bald Eagle Bludgeoner", or "The Rockets Ric Flair"). Naturally, I'd expect Ms. Portman to reward my valiant deed with a marriage proposal.

What? ...Really? ...How was I supposed to know she'd find that offensive? ...Well, how about a quick peck of the cheek?

...a friendly handshake?

...how's about just rescinding that restraining order?