Friday, August 3, 2007

Slow News Day


Actress Anne Hathaway, of such cinematic gems as "The Princess Diaries" and the diametrically-opposed "Havoc", claimed in an interview recently with cnn.com (!?!) that she nearly walked out on her recent project due to her apparent lack of faith in her own talent. On top of that, she considers herself boring and "safe" as opposed to Lindsay Lohan and her ilk.
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Ok. You may be thinking to yourself (and you should knock that shit off, poindexter): even for this webpage, this is kinda irrelevant. Which is kinda my point, bizscratch. THIS STORY WAS FRONT PAGE NEWS ON CNN.COM TODAY!!!! I'm pretty sure that the weight, density and hue of my bowel movement this morning is more relevant than this. Or...you know.....something like say....the Darfur Genocide. (uh-oh, semi-serious political note).
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And to add some kind of commentary to this story, here's this: Anne Hathaway reminds me of that nerdy-hot girl in high school whose entire life revolved around the Drama Club and the National Honors Society. You know, the one that almost every emotionally, and physically, underdeveloped guy hung around like beaten and hungry puppy; going home at night and listening to Dashboard Confessionals while writing her a long and complicated love note made out of magazine cutouts that reflect things she has casually mentioned that she liked......around three semesters ago. And then, after four years of cockteasing these defenseless half-men, she goes off to college, loses her virginity to some meathead at a frat party by accident, and then proceeds to watch "The Rules of Attraction" 16.5 million times before graduating with with a physics degree......to become a librarian somewhere.
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Hit a little too close to home? Well, soothe yourself by crying into your palm and masturbating to these other pictures of Anne Hathaway. ("Someday you'll understand, Susan... ..someday.)


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