Swank Fetish

A few new, to me, pics of Hilary Swank for your self-gratifying pleasure. I've been trying to figure out precisely why I find this girl so attractive. Granted, she can easily tend to the "butch" side of the spectrum, and has on several occasions, but I think what you're missing is the admitedly-impressive Hilary's ability to rapidly change her entire body for a movie role. She can go from prize fighter to this in just a matter of weeks. This girl is like the Mystique of hollywood celebrities. "Oh, Hilary... I'm kinda in the mood for a small, waifish type tonight." BOOM! She loses twenty pounds in three minutes... as well as six inches of height. Don't ask me how she does it. Last time I asked, her arms flew out at me like Majin Buu, and the rain of jaw-breaking punches only stopped when I stopped crying. Which, of course, was after I lost consiousness. But, hot damn if that wasn't some tantric makeup sex.

A Reminder

Hillary Swank, best known for breaking her own neck and Clint Eastwood's heart, lit up the red carpet at the Calvin Klein underwear show the other night. And thanks to In Case You Didn't Know, we are all reminded of Hillary's own amazing CK photo shoot some years back. Now, Ms. Swank is celebrity I find attractive, but no one else on this blog agrees with me. More specifically, I have been accused of having a crush on a transexual for digging her, on several occasions. Which raises two interesting observations: 1) I may, in fact, be the most closeted homosexual in history, so much so that even I don't know that I'm gay*; and 2) that my co-contributor(s) base their accounts of celebrities' actual lives upon whichever movie they happen to see said celebrity appear in first. Since I happened upon her first in her seminal work Buffy the Vampire Slayer (movie), I guess I immediately associate her with a bit part slutty cheerleader. Nevertheless, here's my exhibit A for defending my sexuality.

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Hillary at the Event.... Flanked by Hillary AS the Event.

* - Honestly, who am I kidding? I'm gayer than sixteen Rose Parades going down Castro St. blasting Streisand almost as loud as my rainbow trenchcoat and fuzzy pink codpiece. sKiTtLeS!

Source (ICYDK)...

It Must Be Summer (Hillary Swank)

It might seem like we're going a tad heavy on the "It Must Be Summer" entries today, but I'm just trying to wrap up a whole summer's worth of these before the damned season is over and I lose my best excuse for deluging you with pictures of celebrities in bikini's. Oh, and also, dude, you are totally gay for even questioning my motives in the first place. In any case, here's Hillary Swank, who happens to have a surprisingly decent body. Surprising, because for some reason I kinda thought she had a dick. I'm not totally sure why I thought that, whether I heard it somewhere or just naturally inferred it because she looks like she could kick the living shit out of me, so I'm just going to go ahead and assume that its from a dream I must've had. A sexy, sexy dream.

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In other Swank news, she's apparently left her husband, never-was actor Chad Lowe, due to the revelation that he was abusing drugs. Though, they never say exactly which drugs. Being Hollywood, I'd guess it was either cocaine or heroin, but what I can't wait for is the day that some celebrity is in the news for being on some less mainstream substance, like extract of the Columbian Tree Frog. And the day that will happen is tomorrow.... when I pour some into Hillary Swank's drink. Date-rape is for worthless pussies who apparently can't masturbate like the rest of us. Date-drug-and-laugh-as-you-watch-them-stumble-around-in-public, now THAT is the sport of kings.

More Pics (HollywoodTuna)...