Keira Knightley, otherwise known as Natalie Portman U.K., recently commented that she "would love to have a fuller figure.... more like Monica Bellucci's.... It would be great to have some tits!" Now, I can't really disagree with her because, hey, who doesn't like tits? Hell, my dog loves tits. And he's gayer than a well-dressed rainbow. ....
However.... C'mon, Keira. There are literally billions of women out there who have more of a right to complain. Besides, lo' did the prophet say: "Anything more than a handful is wasted". So, while I appreciate your willingness to help the world by becoming even hotter, why don't you just start having sex with me instead? The Noble Peace Prize* is within your reach.
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*- "The Noble Peace Prize" is a sexual act too distrubing to be mentioned aloud... ever. Let's just say two key ingredients are 175-feet of high tension steel cable and black tar heroin.
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The Aforementioned Ladies.... Who wins? ......My lonely, lonely tears. Everytime.
vs.
Is he kidding?....No, seriously....
