From a completely unreliable source, Matt Damon and wife Luciana are supposedly pregnant. Matt and Luciana were spotted in London for the Empire Films Festival. Luciana was seen "glowing" and "sporting a baby bump". Which in Hollywood means, "She might be pregnant". Matt is also fresh off of his nomination as "The Sexiest Man Alive" award from People Magazine.Little known fact: I was actually the bump in Lucianas' dress. I wanted to get close enough to Matt without alerting anyone that I was there. They wouldn't let me into the festival, damn British people. How do they know every American celebrity? How do they know I wasn't an extra in The A-Team? I was in that one episode when they were in the coal mine and they built a tank out of a coal car and B.A. Barackas' torso. I was part of the wall in the background when they break through the mine shaft door. It was really hard to stand like that for 16 hours a day. They paid me in hot dogs, they were delicious. Anyway, I "got up all in her shit" so I could confront Matt in a dignified manner as to why he launched a smear campaign against me in the "Sexiest Man Alive" contest. I never got to confront him because Luciana went to the bathroom and she forced herself to shit which in return forced me into the toilet. What happened next I can't tell you, but I met Splinter and he showed me how to "Smoke Reafer" from a sewer rat. I don't want to talk about it. Michaelangelo is awesome, he is just like I pictured him. Donatello stole my Batman belt buckle.
The Superficial
-Cambodian Monk-
