Big-Uns

Christina Aguilera, who recently gave birth to her first child, was on Ellen this week, presenting the world with an even greater accomplishment than her freshly spawned offspring: her mind-bending new breasts. Let me just take a moment here to say: I FUCKING CALLED IT!

You see, about a decade ago, when this whole teen singer-sexpot thing started up in force with the arrival of Britney Spears, I found myself mired in countless arguments with my sweaty, hormone-factory peers over the fact that I claimed that Ms. Aguilera was going to turn out much hotter than Ms. Spears. And now, how sweet it is. Sure, you could call me obsessive for bragging over a ten-year old argument. But then again, thats because I was right, and you were wrong. COUNT IT! And now, all that remains is for my prediction concerning the return of neon-rimmed sunglasses to style, and my status as the new Nostradamus will be assured. Kneel before me, my children, and watch as I grow drunk with power... and absinthe. Wow. Thats a pretty rainbow sprouting from your head, Dave. Let me get inside that melon of yours and take a closer look at it. *inarticulate screams and the whine of power tools follow*

Exhibit A