Scarlett Johansson, she of the impossibly perky breasts, is officially off the market, as she announced her engagement to actor Ryan Reynolds this week. The two have apparently been dating for some time, and now Reynolds has broken the collective heart of ten thousand fanboys... which if I remember my Necronomicon correctly will result in the summoning of Erishkigal, demon of perpetual virginity. Hence the "enchanted armor"* I am now wearing in preparation for my holy quest to permanently silence this abomination.But before I do, let me just temper this argument with this fair point offered by my colleague, SlapChicken: how long do you really expect this girl to stay married to Van Wilder... if they actually end up getting married at all? Nothing against Reynolds, he's actually not half bad in a few of his movies, but we're talking about Scarlett Johansson here. I'm pretty sure we could create a charity for men to donate enough cash for Scarlett to flash her boobs on camera, and the resulting sum would be the equivilant of the combined GDP of every nation in South America. So take heart, young paladin, this time of darkness will pass in time.
* = Read "Enchanted Armor" as "Tinfoil Jockstrap, a Bicycle Helmet, and a Catcher's Chest Protector.
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