Sarah Jessica Parker is pissed.

Sarah Jessica Parker has been named the Unsexiest Woman in the World by Maxim magazine. And ol' Cthulu herself is none too pleased about it:

"Do I have big fake boobs, Botox and big lips? No. Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men's magazine? Maybe not. Am I really the unsexiest women in the world? Wow! It's so brutal in a way, so filled with rage and anger. It upset him (Broderick), because it has to do with his judgement too. It's condemnation, it's insane. What can I do? I guess you can't please all people."

Firstly: Sarah Jessica Parker is not the ugliest woman in the world. She is the ugliest woman in the world... to people with penises. I've gotten into plenty of arguments with women over this one... since they must defend Carrie Bradshaw like the Knights Templar defend the Holy Grail. They contend how well she "wears her features" and "what a great body she has, regardless". Well, when you add "regardless" to a compliment about someone's body, then that should already tell you what condition the upper 10% of it is in. And how does one "wear her features" well? She wears makeup and dresses that hope to draw the eye towards the cleavage and away from her Gorgon-like visage? Listen, women: if you guys think Ms. Parker is so irresistable, why don't you guys fuck her? Because, honestly, we don't want to.

Oh God, its fucking looking at me! Back! Back, I say! *grabs fiery torch*

Source (IDLYITW)...

Exhibit B

Well, in shocking news of the incredibly sarcastic variety, rumors are beginning to circulate that Pink and Carey Hart's marriage was ended by the aforementioned testosterone-tits due to her rampants affairs with other women. Firstly, I refuse to use the term "lesbian" in any way to illustrate this post. Lesbianism is a beautiful, pure act, given by God (and/or Sublime Directory)... to me... to show how much he loves me. This, however, is more along the lines of a very unsettling pop-up window for a specialty fetish website, which appears due to God's penchant for spyware.

As if I needed further proof of my hypothesis on the subject of Pink's physiology, this article also features a classic quote explaining how she finds the very notion of giving a blowjob "disgusting"; claiming that she would never perform one. Recieve one? Well, that's a totally different story. It takes a special kind of shemale to prefer sex with women. Usually the kind that is paid handsomely by a Thai internet consortium whilst filming the act.

Now, if you'll excuse me, writing this post has unfortunately caused me to repeatedly vomit on my keyboard... and the sound of the *squish squish* as I type is starting to become upsetting. Musical, but upsetting nonetheless.

Source (Celebitchy)...

Tranny Trouble

Alecia Moore, better known as "Pink", and her husband, Carey Hart, are filing for divorce. The paperwork isn't out in the public eye yet, but I'd love to see how you word "discovered unexpected penis" in official court documents.

I'm curious, why is Pink still famous? Haven't all the depressed, tasteless High School fat girls that made up her fanbase all entered college by this point? Shouldn't they be satisfied by all the standard-less frat boy attention as the bar clears out by now? Or at least moved on to become a "Wicca" or something?

And, I know what your thinking by looking at the picture to the left. But remember, children: having breasts and long hair does not compensate for still having a penis. If that were the case, fat Metallica fans would be on the school cheerleading squad.

Source (TheBlemish)...