Michael Bay shoots impromptu movie ending in Sao Paulo

A Brazillian airline crashed today, killing around 200 people in Sao Paulo, Brazil. Eyewitnesses says the plane ran out of runway during landing, and actually attempted to lift-off again at the last moment. Thereafter, the plane came back down on an adjacent freeway, skidded through multiple lanes of traffic and crashed into a building. Some have attributed the crash to weather-related issues, while others have pointed to the airports recent controversial early re-opening of their freshly re-surfaced runways.

Ok. I'm trying. Really, really trying to be as respectful in the face of a very recent and admittedly tragic disaster. That being said, I will merely say the following: No matter how horrible a joke I could've made, the more insulting joke will inevitably be when a video of this pops up on Real-TV in three years with some wacky, untalented host providing a Bob Saget-esque commetary track.

Ho-ree Godzirra!

Anti-Asian Defamation League be damned! I will not surrender my one-dimensional, cliched racial accent stereotype jokes!

So, uh...yeah. A series of fairly powerful earthquakes struck Japan over the last day or so, resulting in a breakdown at a nuclear material facitlity. Apparently, both radioactive water and fire* were leaked from the facility, and a cleanup operation is now under way. However, the surrounding countryside has already seen a drastic mutation of Japan's most valuable commodity**. There was the before....and here's the after.

Watch. This will all turn out to be more viral marketing for J.J. Abrams MYYYSSSSTERRRY MOOOOONNNNSSSTTTTTEEERRR MOOOOOOOOVIE (And yes, I expect you to pronounce that last bit out loud, and if any body in your immediate vicinity makes fun of you, hit em with ye ol' hot brick to the face). Then again, pretty soon everything in the world will turn out to be viral marketing for this movie. That cheeseless dollar cheeseburger they gave you at McDonald's? J.J. Abrams monster movie. It rained on both Tuesday AND Wednesday? J.J. Abrams monster movie. Your girlfriend broke up with you? Well......that was just me, man. I'm sorry, but she is like a tractor beam of hotness.***

On a side note, around 800 people died during this disaster. So....uh....*throws exploding smoke bomb on floor and disappears into the night...*

* - Is it just me, or does radioactive fire sound like something you dreamed up in 5th Grade math class as it consumed your school? Ah, Da Vinci can have his canvas, I'll take my marble notebook ruled paper.

** - Everyone knows Japan's actually most precious commodity: Giant Fighting Robots.

*** - Yeah, I'll quote "Talladega Nights". How do you feel about that? THAT JUST HAPPENED!