Parents are Dumb, too.

A Texas woman threw her two children off of an overpass this morning in an apparent murder-suicide attempt. However, although the trio fell onto another busy highway, all three survived (perhaps because it was only a 22-foot fall). Still, it should be mentioned that the police said all three in question were struck by several cars before they could shut down the roadway. Its been reported that the woman had an argument with her husband at a nearby gas station, and took the two children from the car they'd all been travelling in. From there she walked to the overpass while her unsuspecting husband paid for their gas. The husband drove after her, but arrived only in time to see her go over following the children. All three are in good condition at a local hospital.

I absolutely love ill-planned suicide attempts. Its almost like after they fail you can hear the classic "bwaaa bwaaa" noise. And this one is even better, since now the offending party has to answer not only for her own sanity, but for the lives of her nearly-killed children. Sounds like somebody's going away for awhile. You have to give it to this husband, however. Had it been me, I probably would've come out of the gas station to see them gone and mutter something about my significant other before driving home angry. I would've been into my second hour of Call of Duty 4 before the cops even told me what had happened. My response: "I'll be right down the station, Officer"... and then continue to play for another hour before maybe getting a sandwich... and leaving the state.

Source (CNN.com)...

Turn On The Red Light!

Elliot Spitzer, Governor of New York, has resigned from his position after yesterday's revelation that he had been a frequent customer of an escort service. Spitzer supposedly spent over $80,000 over the years with the "Emperor's Club", and found himself in a awkward position after cracking down so ruthlessly on prostitution during his days as the state's Attorney General before winning the Governor's chair in 2006. Spitzer, who is married, officially announced his resignation this morning, citing the classic reason of not wanting to sully his office or administration with this scandal.

First off, is the country really naive enough to believe that ANY famous male does not, at least occasionally, employ prostitutes. Listen, of course you can get almost any girl you want with the money and power afforded by fame. However, if I was rich and famous, I'd STILL go to the Bunny Ranch for at least three weeks a year. ONLY the rich and famous, as a matter of fact, should take the whore option. Us poor people are usually deterred from that route merely by the toothlessness of any prostitute that costs less than $10. But if you can afford the $5,000/hour variety, god bless you. For I surely do.

However, if you're a politician, MAAAAAYBE you might want to consider being a little bit more clandestine about it. Same rule goes for drugs. When your only marketable talent is the ability to make people, even a few, believe that you are a good and moral person; perhaps you shouldn't give them too much evidence to the contrary. Its like a comedian who stops trying to be funny. We don't need you anymore, especially if you were responsible for making it tougher for us to pay for aforementioned Hookers at the Point... while you get your balls tickled by three Thai college students in a gold leaf bubble bath.

Yes, I've mentioned the Bunny Ranch twice in two days. But frankly, I think that place is more magical than Disney World. If I ever won the lotto, the first six months afterward would be spent in Nevada, lets just say that.

Amusing side note: the crudely MS Paint-ed photo up there is actually an alteration of this photo (above) featuring none other than Fox News mouthpiece, Sean Hannity.

Source (CNN.com)...

Kids are Dumb.

A 10-year-old boy is in critical condition in Washington state after being buried up to his chest, head first, in sand by his playmates today. Apparently, the kid in question suggested the internment himself in a mimic of a popular cartoon show these kids watch. When questioned, the boy's 30-year-old half-brother said: "They watch a cartoon where they were like sand masters or something and they can manipulate sand or something like that. They came up with the idea that if he were to do this then he would be able to be one of them".

First, what have childrens' cartoons come to today when their superheroes' are "sand masters". "I can iritate your eyes... badly!", proclaimed the virtuous hero, "And then I will make some fine glass vases for your mother's birthday!". In my day, we entrusted our safety to antropamorphic, martial arts reptiles or at the very least schizophrenic homosexuals with like-minded jungle cats.

Source (CNN.com)...

"You Talking 'Bout Cuba?"

Fidel Castro, founder and leader of the Communist government of Cuba, will abdicate his position today, February 24, 2008. Castro has been the head of state in Cuba since the 1950's Cuban revolution, and will hand over the reigns of power to his brother, Raul; who also aided him in the coup years ago. Castro is now 81 years old.

Well, what is there to say really. In the end, Fidel never truly harmed the United States. As far as we're concerned, he pretty much just made our leadership anxious... for fifty years. So, overlooking the countless Cubans that have fled their homeland as refugees in the last half-century, I'm gonna call no-blood, no-foul on this one. Congratulations on your retirement, o' brutal dictator, not many in your line of work make it this point. Thanks again for making the flexible military cap fashionable, and inspiring ten millions clueless college kids to wear Che Guerra t-shirts for a century to come.

Source (CNN.com)...

Should've Taken That Blue Pill, Lady.

A man in Stony Point, NY, was arrested early this morning for punching his girlfriend in the face repeatedly... as he clung to the roof of her car and swung his fist through the driver's side window as she was driving. The car reportedly travelled more than a mile down the road, colliding with several other cars, before finally coming to a halt. The woman, 37, was charged with felony reckless endangerment; while the male, 42, was charged with misdemeanor assault.

So, apparently, Neo became a spousal abuser in his later years. I never endorse a man who strikes a woman, but as a small piece of advise to the girls out there on the dating scene: avoid black trenchcoat clad men with vacant expressions on their face... and can't stop mentioning "Zion". Actually, as a better rule, just avoid anyone who starts dropping the word "Zion" all over the place. Best case, you've still got a terrorist on your hands, just not the cyber kind. More like the funeral shroud, AK-47-toting kind. Granted, I don't think Osama is participating in many high-speed, vehicular fist-fights these days, with his trick hip and all. Still, if you must ignore this advice... at least promise me you'll install a cow-catcher on the front of your Subaru.

Source (CNN.com)....