Dancing with Lower Ratings

Josie Maran, a supermodel for those who don't spend endless nights in the alien blue glow of the computer monitor, recently tried to break open her career with an appearance on ABC's Dancing With The Stars. Within one hour, Ms. Maran exited the aforemetioned program being the first contestant of this season to be booted.
....
I need to ask: does ABC really think that the show's stellar hosts and game show format is the source of its ratings? Stacy Keibler, anyone? Seriously, try to sell this idea to me. I'm open to persuasion. Because, while I wouldn't watch this show regardless, what America needs is a legitimate forum where we can decide just which of our C and/or D-list celebrities can ballroom dance, and which ones played halfback for the mid-90's Dallas Cowboys.

Source (Popoholic)...

How do you make an Asian butterface?

Bai Ling, who was in Wild West West, a cut role from Star Wars - Episode II: Attack of the Clones, and probably something else where a stock hot asian female was required, has come out rather publically about her desire to have a threesome with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. More specifically though, Angelina Jolie. Pitt, apparently, would be tolerated for the privellage. Ling came up with this fantastically plausible (read: is this chick really this delusional?) idea while filming Jolie's most well-known (read: that was a movie?!) picture, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. According to Ling, her and Jolie exchanged a "sexual energy" and had openly.. uhhh... hinted at future sexual relations... via a flirtacious conversation that sounds more like a 13-year old girl trying to write what she considers "erotic fiction". I'd go on into the quoting section of this post, but you know what, just reading this again makes my mind hurt with pity. Listen, Bai Ling, you may be the most misunderstood asian in Hollywood, but I know someone who will still give you plenty of "company":

His name is Kenneth, and he is a really good listener. He also happens to be a hamster... but I'm sure you two can get past that.

Full Story (Celebitchy)...

Kidman gets pwned

Nicole Kidman and husband, Keith Urban, apparently were back in Kidman's homeland recently, and decided to take in an Australian Rugby game. Or, more specifically, the CHAMPIONSHIP game. Now, although this game's notorioty in Australia is roughly equivilant to the Super Bowl here, Kidman was able to secure not just tickets for herself and Urban, but a whopping 10 tickets with just 48 hours notice. However, and this is where you can tell the difference between America's idea of celebrity privellage and that of the Aussies, when Kidman balked at the idea the tickets were at midfield, and not in a private box, the stadium owner politely invited her to watch the game at home. No more special treatment. No unlimited favors. Nothing. Basically, the guy bent over backwards once for her, and then shoved her ingratitude back in her face.
....
I have nothing but respect for the anonymous man. But then again, he's probably more wealthy than even the former Ms. Cruise here, owning a stadium and all. And come to think of it, that guy has never aided me to the point of sexual climax. So.. uh, yeah. Fuck that guy, then. And Nicole, you fuck me. There. I think I just straightened this whole unpleasantness out. Now, lets all sit down to a nice afternoon of rugby. Wait. What do you mean I don't get a private box?! You motor-boating son of a bitch.

Source (CrazyDaysandNights)...

Iraq War 2: Mercenaries

Former Navy SEAL, Erik Prince, founder of Blackwater USA, appeared before the House Oversight Committee yesterday to address growing allegations of reckless endangerment, along with a few claims of outright murder, by his scandal-locked international security company. Blackwater USA is one of many US-based firms sub-contracted by the military to perform security escort work in the Iraq War theater. Thought the firm is largely populated by ex-military personel, the company has been embroiled in accusation of incompetance and neglect in their duties during their 3-year stay in Iraq. Several incidents regarding unprovoked assaults on Iraqi civillians by company employees have been reported, piling up estimates as high as two to four hundred killed directly by Blackwater purposeful arms fire.

.....

Wow. No one saw this coming. Especially not me. I mean, how could you? An independant contractor, who in the vein of all farmed-out government work just happened to be the lowest bidder, that operates outside of the regional justice system is suspected of abuse. No way. I'm so fucking shocked that this expression might be frozen to my face forever. Good thing I look disarmingly sexy in any facial expression. Besides, that last one I had on actually caused a few fat chicks to kill themselves for their instant knowledge that they would have no shot with what Webster's defines as "Hotness Incarnate".

....

Seriously, though, this whole Iraq thing is bad enough without us hiring out mercs, and thats what they are... fucking mercs.... , to do our dirty work for us. This is exactly the kind of thing that ends up fucking over the evil empire in the end of every science fiction movie. And seeing how we, as a nation, are just one white-armor clad soldier away from humming the Imperial March before baseball games, that maaaaaay not be the best idea.

Distract yourself from our upcoming collective demise by staring at pictures of Catherine Bell in pseudo-military attire.

Full Story (CNN)...

Two Reasons to Love Mexico

I sat here for the last twenty minutes trying to come up with something good as commentary for these pictures. Ultimately, nothing more need be said than this:
Damn. Salma Hayek's got some big-ass tit-taaaays. And yes, that is a clincal term.

Swank Fetish

A few new, to me, pics of Hilary Swank for your self-gratifying pleasure. I've been trying to figure out precisely why I find this girl so attractive. Granted, she can easily tend to the "butch" side of the spectrum, and has on several occasions, but I think what you're missing is the admitedly-impressive Hilary's ability to rapidly change her entire body for a movie role. She can go from prize fighter to this in just a matter of weeks. This girl is like the Mystique of hollywood celebrities. "Oh, Hilary... I'm kinda in the mood for a small, waifish type tonight." BOOM! She loses twenty pounds in three minutes... as well as six inches of height. Don't ask me how she does it. Last time I asked, her arms flew out at me like Majin Buu, and the rain of jaw-breaking punches only stopped when I stopped crying. Which, of course, was after I lost consiousness. But, hot damn if that wasn't some tantric makeup sex.

Battle of the Geek-Bonuses

An attempt at a new segment: many people are painfully unaware of just how dedicated (read: sad) true geeks are about the greater, subconsious kingdom of nerdiciouty. So much so, in fact, that although film and television show creators alike will forever cast impossibly hot women in sci-fiction roles, nerds will actually enhance that female's pop-culture notorioty, and concordantly her career, beyond almost any other demographic of fan-base. Now, of course, this is because 99.9% of sci-fiction fans are sex-deprived males, usually plagued by the common symptoms of repelus vaginalus, including acne, poor social skills, and a penchant for one too many Hot Pockets; and it doesn't hurt that the actresses in question are usually of the swimsuit model variety. However, what most don't understand is that the mere fact that such an attractive female is on-screen within the myriad of escapist universes provided within science fiction, increases her basic attractivity ten-fold. A convoluted argument, yes (and by the way, your face in convoluted), but nonetheless further evidence of the old axiom: "Once you start down the dark path, blah blah blah".
....
With all of this in mind, I present you with the first showdown today. And, in the spirit of maintaining at least temporary neutrality, I've chosen to tap Star Trek first, which is a nice way of saying: Fuck Star Trek. Look. Not even italicized, bitch. Anyways, this pits Jeri Ryan, who played a renegade Borg on Star Trek: Voyager, and Jolene Blalock, who played a Vulcan on Enterprise. Which will, if all goes according to plan, result in a nerd slapfight over the particulars of sexual coupling with a woman who who respond to a request for anal intercourse with "that is highly illogical", and another who would respond to the same question by giving you a mechanical eye and putting you to sleep with your head against a Spencer Gifts light-up novelty.

v.s.

Carmen Electra does FHM... again.

Carmen Electra continues her borderline-pornstar career, appearing in the recent issue of FHM Russia in her usual form. One might wonder when the world will grow tired of huge plastic tits. But then again, one might as well wonder when men will collectively decide that taking it in the ass physically from one another is better than taking it in the ass metaphorically from the fairer sex. The answer, of course, is called "pegging". And believe me, that doesn't imply it has something to do with the old Brit-com, Spaced. Be sure to make that perfectly clear at your local video store, or you could be in for an interesting Saturday night.

Breast-krieg

Sorry for the complete lack of posts over the last few days. Halo 3 is a little all-consuming. Nevertheless, I'm back at work, bored out of my everliving mind, and have several hours to kill. So let's do a little catching up, you and I. Just follow me around the corner into that dark alley, and we can look at pictures of hot celebrities and giggle. And possibly touch each other. You know, see where the mood takes us, sailor.

.....

To kick things off, here's a pair of new pictures of Missy Peregrym from the promo shoot for her new show, Reaper. I only caught about half of this first episode, which was directed by Kevin Smith, and none of which included the Stick It-alum. That being said, it didn't seem intolerable, so I guess I'll try to catch another episode or two if I get the chance. However, I do reserve the right to lose tolerance for it later on, and hence only watch it for "manual stress relief" purposes.

.....

A couple more Missy's for you, and a pair of Stick It costar, Vanessa Lengies, because Stone Cold said so.

Harvey Dent Breastfeeds Child

Jennifer Garner was recently quoted in an interview as having suffered from several minor heatstrokes while filming her new movie, The Kingdom, and attempting to breastfeed her newborn baby between takes, therefore losing valuable electrolytes in the 138 degree Saudi Arabian heat.

....

Furthermore, she was diagnosed with a severely-advanced form of two-face cancer. Doctors report that they believe a few major surgeries to correct the way light bounces off her hard-as-diamonds facial structure may correct the problem. The procedure, known as "de-harshifying", involves the extensive use of a a belt-sander applied to the cheek and chin bones, followed by a healthy amount of skin-grafting. While they have reserved any definite expectations, her doctors believe that, in time, Ben Affleck with be able to stomach looking at his wife in direct sunlight.

Full Story (Celebitchy)....

Somebody's Had Some Plastic Surgery...

Trishelle Cannatella, best known first for being the prototypical good girl-gone-slut on the Las Vegas edition of the Real World, and then for D-List celebrity on a dozen or more reality t.v. and game show based entertainment, will be soon co-starring alongside close friend, Steve-O, in his new series Dr. Steve-O. Which isn't really news, persay, but it gives me a good reason to A) mention what will probably be Steve-O's last foray into television before his inevitable, and hilarious, drug overdose; and B) display pictures of a scantily-clad female throughout. Granted, Trishelle is around #6 ot #7 on the list of hot Real World girls, probably lower, but nevertheless she can lay claim to a few billion of my prospective children left to die in the cold, lonely vacuum of atmosphere whilst drying on my bedsheets. Then again, I'm fairly certain that that claim could be made by almost any television personality who has breasts. Vaginas optional.

....

Seriously though, I will check out this show. If only because Jackass and Wildboyz are both gems in their own right. And because there is no limit to the amount of times I can watch Steve-O vomit on camera.

Full Story (RealityTVWorld)....