The Pride of the Jersey Shore

Isn't it funny how Elliot Spitzer's whore (and I can at long last say that without it having a shred of masoginism attached... well, maybe a shred... but a MANLY shred!) seems to be more famous now than the former governor himself? Well, I suppose you should draw the line between fame and infamy, but nevertheless, everywhere you turn around on the internet these days.... there is this girl.

Anyways, currently Ashley Alexandra Dupre is going through an entertaining legal battle with Girls Gone Wild founder, and douche-bag of the century early front-runner, Joe Francis. This started, as you probably know by now, when Francis approached Dupre shortly after the scandal broke, with an offer of $1 million to pose nude for his company. However, a few days later it came to Francis' attention that he already had plenty of footage of the high-class Hunt's Point counterpart from a few years back, and summarily rescinded his offer.

Skip up to the present, where Dupre then proceeded to sue Francis for $10 million for "tricking her" into appearing on the video. Which, of course, makes perfect sense considering that a prosititute would never willingly expose her body for money or favors. But wait, it gets better. A few days after the suit was filed, Francis released a video tape of Dupre explicitly giving consent to Girls Gone Wild employees... AND re-instated his offer for $1 million, so long as little Ashley agrees to promote Girls Gone Wild.

Its like a Shakespearian romance. Their love is one for the ages, illustrated through the language of passion... which is sometimes confused for poorly-edited softcore amateur porn shot in Cancun, Mexico. An honest mistake, one I've made far too often... let's just say that my oral presentation on The Tempest back in High School got me expelled... from the public school system. And as for Ms. Dupre personally, congratulations. You've attained the ultimate station in life for a New Jersey girl: former escort and now F-list celebrity. Way to be. Aren't you owed the key to the city of Newark now or something?

Turn On The Red Light!

Elliot Spitzer, Governor of New York, has resigned from his position after yesterday's revelation that he had been a frequent customer of an escort service. Spitzer supposedly spent over $80,000 over the years with the "Emperor's Club", and found himself in a awkward position after cracking down so ruthlessly on prostitution during his days as the state's Attorney General before winning the Governor's chair in 2006. Spitzer, who is married, officially announced his resignation this morning, citing the classic reason of not wanting to sully his office or administration with this scandal.

First off, is the country really naive enough to believe that ANY famous male does not, at least occasionally, employ prostitutes. Listen, of course you can get almost any girl you want with the money and power afforded by fame. However, if I was rich and famous, I'd STILL go to the Bunny Ranch for at least three weeks a year. ONLY the rich and famous, as a matter of fact, should take the whore option. Us poor people are usually deterred from that route merely by the toothlessness of any prostitute that costs less than $10. But if you can afford the $5,000/hour variety, god bless you. For I surely do.

However, if you're a politician, MAAAAAYBE you might want to consider being a little bit more clandestine about it. Same rule goes for drugs. When your only marketable talent is the ability to make people, even a few, believe that you are a good and moral person; perhaps you shouldn't give them too much evidence to the contrary. Its like a comedian who stops trying to be funny. We don't need you anymore, especially if you were responsible for making it tougher for us to pay for aforementioned Hookers at the Point... while you get your balls tickled by three Thai college students in a gold leaf bubble bath.

Yes, I've mentioned the Bunny Ranch twice in two days. But frankly, I think that place is more magical than Disney World. If I ever won the lotto, the first six months afterward would be spent in Nevada, lets just say that.

Amusing side note: the crudely MS Paint-ed photo up there is actually an alteration of this photo (above) featuring none other than Fox News mouthpiece, Sean Hannity.

Source (CNN.com)...