Toaster Struddle

I'm not quite sure how I missed this but my favorite Cylon, Grace Park, recently appeared in Complex magazine for this sultry little photoshoot. If you'll excuse me for a second, I'm gonna let the nerd goo fly. The first three rows should bring a poncho.

Anyone who saw Battlestar Galactica this last season should agree that the show is nicely back on track towards its 2009 finale. The final, Earth post-apocalypse plot twist was particularly good. But my question is this: who the fuck are they going to reveal as the last of the Final Five Cylons... and somehow make it surprising? Starbuck? Easy guess. Baltar? Somehow, even easier guess. At this point, the only surprising twist they could do is make the 5th Cylon turn out to be a peanut butter sandwich or something. Which was then, in turn, accidentally eaten by the Admiral... with sexy results.

Anyways, enjoy some hot Asian robot action... that ISN'T hentai.

Dreamweaver...

Keira Knightley, the second hottest woman on this planet, recently commented to journalists that she has no problem with nudity. This isn't really any form of news, considering I can name a few topless Keira moments without even really trying. But the fact that she is perfectly fine with whipping out her tats as long as people pay her for it, and not starting to take the common route of actresses her age and declaring that now she wants to take "classier roles".

I guess if you've performed 1/3rd of your entire career within the historical drama genre, "classy roles" are not really a concern anymore. But let us not take anything away from Ms. Knightley. As long as you keep taking your shirt off... I'll keep worshipping them from afar.

Source (Popoholic)...

Giving Back

Elizabeth Hurley is an angel. Literally. Not only has she provided us with countless hours of oogling for the better part of most of my generation's youth, but now she shows her benevolence by putting out a fashion line of bikini's... all of which she models herself.

This woman is 43 years old now. And she looks like this. I'm sure there's plenty of girls out there cursing her genes with the furor of a hate crime. But, ladies, Ms. Hurley is just sharing the fact that she still has an early-20's body with the rest of the world. Do you know what that is called? Charity. If I was her, I would spend every waking moment at home, staring at myself naked in a mirror.

Then again, I kinda do that anyways. Backlit. I am breathtaking.

Source (Egotastic!)...

Carpet Cleaning

Ali Larter, who I know best from "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back", and everyone else knows best from Heroes and/or that Texas football movie that wasn't "Friday Night Lights", recently appeared on the cover of Allure magazine... and wow. Wow.

Can I just ask one question? When are we just going to admit that women's magazines don't promote negative body images... but something closer to lesbian rage? Seriously, look at this picture. I can totally understand this popping up in Maxim or FHM... but Allure magazine?! Sure, I'll take it... but don't let your girlfriend read this magazine anymore.

Wait, as a matter of fact... go buy this magazine for your girlfriend. Get her a subscription. Or, if you want to be more subtle... try Hustler.

A Moment for Sophie Marceau

Remember that James Bond movie, "The World Is Not Enough"? Me neither. But I do faintly recall Sophie Marceau being in it. And if thats not good enough transitional material for this new photoshoot of her, I don't know what is. In all seriousness though, just look at this woman. Now that is what we call "hauntingly beautiful". As in, you are haunted by these images until you can find a private place and... "perform an exorcism". On your penis. Repeatedly.

Now writing like THAT is what wins you Peabody awards. Count it.

Questionable Haim Logic

Hmmmm.

Thats really all I've got for this one. Maybe an explanation is in order. Victoria Beckham recently confessed in an interview that one of her early boyfriends refused to have sex with her (keep in mind this is mid-90's, painfully attractive Posh Spice... not the laminated pseudo-celebrity we know today). The twist to this story: said boyfriend was Corey Haim. Thats right, THAT Corey Haim. And Mr. Haim is readily confirming this story, albeit not the "I-refused-to-bang-Posh-Spice" part.

Of course, this also begs the question: how did Corey Haim attract any female after 1989? I mean, besides those who have a fanatical devotion to "The Goonies". Which, I mean, who doesn't? After all, who amongst us didn't have their first sexual dream about Chunk? .... C'mon, guys.... it can't just be me.

I repeat: Hmmmm.

Source (Celebitchy)...

Shattering the American Dream

Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan have reportedly split up, according to the New York Post this week. Which is kind of a problem for both of them considering they were planning to make not one, not two, but three movies together in the near future. Sure, the reason for the breakup pretty much centered around Rodriguez's insistence that McGowan be the star of these three films, much to the collective eye-roll of studio executives.

I've been accused of overt masoginism several times on this site, which I have never denied. However, seeing as how Quentin Tarantino's hispanic counterpart here pulled a Spielberg and left his long-time wife for the lead actress he was working with at the time leaves me very little room to say "poor Robby". Sure, its every young nerd's dream to one day write and direct a sci-fi flick... and then spin that off into a lurid, sexual relationship with its starring actress (see: Paul W.S. Anderson-Milla Jovovich or Len Wiseman-Kate Beckinsale), but you kinda scratched that idea as a viable option when you married someone else first... and then had her pop out five kids for you. Everything that follows is nothing but karma. Plus, you can't hope to emulate Spielberg, unless you too have the Ark of the Covenant as your living room coffee table.

Source (Celebitchy)...

Seduced by the Dork Side

Big fucking surprise, everybody: Katie Holmes' acting career is pretty much finished. Apparently, Broadway ticket brokers can't give seats away to her new show. Which is pretty hilarious, considering I still believe that Ms. Holmes saw fit to marry the most psychologically unbalanced man in Hollywood for the purpose of reinvigorating her tepid fame. A few years later, and what do we have: countless tabloid rumors, a failed movie, and a turkey-baster baby that owes 23 chromosomes to the right-hand man of Intergalatic Lord Xenu. Irony certainely is delicious isn't it. Its no wonder Katie has transformed from the girl-next-door to something vaguely resembling a supervillaness. Compare below, and tell me that this girl doesn't spend most of her nights these days planning to foment fear, war and death across the world.

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By the way, since when did hot women go for closeted midget-homosexuals who are so into science fiction that they base their religion upon it? And why wasn't my congregation at St. Kenobi's Church of the Phallic Object never informed?!

Source (Celebitchy)...

Elves Gone Wild

Christina Ricci, the sexiest elf that isn't rendered for a Role Playing Game (lest that game be an exotic adventure through my teenage mastubatory fantasies.... which would make me a Lvl. 981 Deviant by this point), recently appeared in a new shoot for Hollywood Life magazine. Yet again, Ms. Ricci reminds us that breast reductions can sometimes be for the best with these pictures. But it should be clearly noted that this rule only applies if the actress in question is willing to bare them in almost every film she is in. I believe this was all covered in the Beautitudes. "Blessed are those who fear the Lord, and show Him their tits."


Side note: God is a big fan of jello shooters.

It Must Be Summer (Kristen Cavallari)

Ah, the Sunday of July 4th weekend. A time for repose and reflection. A time to celebrate the warm memories (read: haunting nightmares) of joyous Americana (read: supersaturated fats, no-carb beers and pretty explosives from China) with those family and friends you treasure most (read: drunks). Or.. for me, a time to kill several tedious hours at work by blitzkrieging this blog with a series of catchup posts... mostly relating to breasts.... and the confusing organisms that carry them around on their chests. With that in mind, lets take a moment to appreciate some new pics of one of our favorite, underappreciated (and talentless) faux-celebrities: Ms. Kristin Cavallari. Frankly, I don't care if the only talent this girl has is being photographed in a bikini. You might as well call her Henry Kissenger in my book. And no, I'm not taking anything away from the famed diplomat.... I'm taking EVERYTHING away. After all, I've been storing his corpse in my basement for two years, and haven't seen a penny from his family yet for my trouble. Sure, you could argue that graverobbing a famous American ambassador isn't a very good kidnapping ploy. But I could argue that your mom is a pickadilly whore. And between you and me, the corpse of Kissenger and I talk about it every night at tea. Don't even get me started about what Stalin thinks.