Hilary Duff... Interesting.

Hilary Duff, who was once an orange rectangle before transforming into Kylie Minogue, is apparently trying her hand at non-Disney funded movie with her upcoming effort: War, Inc., wherein she plays a sexy Russian pop star. I'm sure there are other details about this movie, most likely relating to the "War" part, but I don't really care. I'm more interested to see how much method acting Ms. Duff opts to go for. After all, it is a scientifically accepted fact that all female Russian pop stars are lesbians... or at the very least, curiously bisexual. I'm pretty sure its written in the Russian constitution at some point. I mean, we could pretty much make them do anything we wanted back in 1990. I hear that the President made the Premier slam-dance for several hours, to the amusement of all in attendance, before he would even lend them five bucks. Also... every October 9th, its Hawaiian Shirt Day for the entire city of Moscow. Any who fail to comply will be shot.

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. In either case, here's a picture of Hilary from the aforementioned movie film. I am hope to you enjoy, please. In Soviet Union, Movies Watch YOU! Ha ha ha! Nothing's funnier than mass starvation and cold, wintery death. You Russkies are classic.

Sarah Jessica Parker is pissed.

Sarah Jessica Parker has been named the Unsexiest Woman in the World by Maxim magazine. And ol' Cthulu herself is none too pleased about it:

"Do I have big fake boobs, Botox and big lips? No. Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men's magazine? Maybe not. Am I really the unsexiest women in the world? Wow! It's so brutal in a way, so filled with rage and anger. It upset him (Broderick), because it has to do with his judgement too. It's condemnation, it's insane. What can I do? I guess you can't please all people."

Firstly: Sarah Jessica Parker is not the ugliest woman in the world. She is the ugliest woman in the world... to people with penises. I've gotten into plenty of arguments with women over this one... since they must defend Carrie Bradshaw like the Knights Templar defend the Holy Grail. They contend how well she "wears her features" and "what a great body she has, regardless". Well, when you add "regardless" to a compliment about someone's body, then that should already tell you what condition the upper 10% of it is in. And how does one "wear her features" well? She wears makeup and dresses that hope to draw the eye towards the cleavage and away from her Gorgon-like visage? Listen, women: if you guys think Ms. Parker is so irresistable, why don't you guys fuck her? Because, honestly, we don't want to.

Oh God, its fucking looking at me! Back! Back, I say! *grabs fiery torch*

Source (IDLYITW)...

Klepto-breasts

Winona Ryder is at it again. Ha ha ha. What an original opening line... oh, I'm so clever. Anyway, Ms. Ryder was recently stopped at a Hollywood pharmacy after setting off the alarm the other day. Apparently, Winona had a few small items in her bag that she hadn't paid for. Uh-oh.

Honestly, I don't even really care. For one thing, this story was fresh around the other end of this decade (side note: isn't that kind-of depressing?). Second, it sounds like the items in question totaled roughly three dollars. I'm fairly certain Winona could've paid this off with the spare change in her purse. Nevertheless, I'm putting this up here purely because Winona Ryder has some surprisingly fantastic breasts. I don't care if they might be klepto-breasts, although I must admit that sounds like a pretty nasty disease. I just encourage scandilous gossip in the hope that it will drive career's so far into the gutter that a nude photospread/graphic sex scene is the only way an actress can revive themselves from C-list purgatory.

Wait, no! I've given away my Master Plan! Ruined! Sixteen years of meticulous planning! NOOOO! Damn you, Winona Ryder! Damn your harlot tits! I guess I actually have to go back to vocational school now... *sigh*. My parents aren't gonna let me hear the end of this one. You'd think they'd encourage their son to follow his dreams, but noooOOOOooooo. Sure, those dreams included wiping out their bank accounts and relocating to Eranakis, El Salvador to pursue my lifelong aspiration to promote the nudity of famous people. But children are a responsibility, Mom and Dad, and like a young sapling... you must provide water to allow me to grow. If you really think about it... it was YOU guys who let me down by grounding me for two weeks when I sold my sister's kidney on eBay. So... I think that means that instead of punishment, you owe me a present. I could use a HoverRound. If you can't afford it, I'll just take Grandma's and call it even. I'm glad we had this talk.

Source (IDLYITW)...

Sushi = Vagina

Kate Beckinsale recently appeared in Mean magazine and gave the scientifically-awesomest interview a jaw-droppingly attractive celebrity can give. Within, she describes wanting to drop babies out of high-rise windows... and ultimately admits she'd rather taste vagina than sushi. The reasoning: "...because at least vagina is warm." Without fail, this popped up on every blog on the internet within four minutes of publication, and garnered the predictable response ranging from the Lord Byron-esque "Duuuude... do you know what? I'd like to watch her eat pussy!"... to the awkwardly feminine "How can she dislike sushi if she hasn't tasted it?"

Hence, I will not go on a huge, tasteless rant about how rigidly erect this article makes me. Nor will I address the blatantly obvious point about the people from the Anti-Asian Cuisine Defamation League. Instead, I will just say this:

Kate Beckinsale is flawless.

Seriously. The only way she could've topped this one for me was if she happened to say she'd rather eat Natalie Portman's vagina. While I watch.... Star Wars movies whilst they lez out in the next room. Hey! Keep it down in there! Its the Snow Battle scene! Jesus... hot, ridiculous lesbian sex* is alot louder than you'd think.

Ok, I kinda drifted off on this one. But, seriously, Kate Beckinsale just mildly alluded to licking snatch... albeit in joke form. BUT SHE STILL SAID IT, GOD DAMN YOUR EYES! Don't you dare take this away from me.

* - Ridiculous Lesbian Sex = Picture two perfect women making out. Now, in your mind's eye, turn them into clowns. NOW, never be able to attain an erection for the rest of your days. Your welcome.

Source (TheBlemish)...

Seperated at birth?

Honestly, I've got nothing that will top that. Except this:

For liability reasons, the above picture must be clicked upon to be view. This picture contains no pornographic, violent and/or offensive imagery. It will, regardless, drive you completely insane. Look what happened to me.

...so, in summation: E.T. is a butterface.