This should turn out well....

According to some recent reports, Emma Watson is considering signing on to a goth remake of Cinderella... alongside Marilyn Manson. For those of you with me on "ummm... ok" page, consider this: according to unnamed sources this is part of a larger effort Emma is making to break free from her "child star" image as her co-star Daniel Radcliffe did before her by appearing nude on stage.

The sad part is that, in your heart of hearts, you already know we're not going to get the same results with Emma. She immediately strikes me as one of those celebrities where nudity is just never going to happen unless its a complete accident. Then again, she IS british, and those limeys seem to have no compunction with topless breasts appearing on literally every piece of printed literature. So maybe we'll get something unexpected someday... but probably not from this train-wreck of a movie waiting to happen. This will probably just be some Tim Burton fanboy's dim fantasy, scrawled out in txt format, and hastily submitted to a studio executive shortly after recieving "good feedback" from fellow fan-fiction writers on the net.

Why can't more celebrities take the Anne Hathaway route? You can't get that girl to keep her shirt ON anymore... and thats why I worship her as a saint. If only my masterful scheme to frame her boyfriend for international financial fraud had worked out as well as I planned... or perhaps I've said too much....

p.s.: Marilyn Manson's life has become excessive drug abuse, occasional touring, and banging out barely legal celebs. So, um, yeah.... good luck working with that guy, Emma.

Almost Emma, Almost

Well, its Wednesday and goddamit if my vacation next week doesn't feel like its still literally months away. So lets kill the hours together with eye candy.

The new Harry Potter flick is coming out tonight, and while I'll probably not bother with it until the inevitable HBO blitzkrieg of repeat showings early next year, I can't really pretend to hate these movies anymore either. If nothing else, they've given me a progressively-less-creepy celebrity crush in Emma Watson (pictured left, so close to making my month that it hurts).

Seriously, about the time this girl is 26, she's pretty going to be Kate Beckinsale. That perfect face, perfect body, British chick who you always double-take over when you pops up on t.v. As is, though, at 19, she's already well-beyond most other celebrities in her age-group. Add to that the fact that I don't want to stab out my ear drums with a flathead screwdriver everytime she opens her mouth. Thats always a plus.

Countdown to Absolution

Emma Watson is just under a month from her 18th birthday, and every blog on the internet seems to be counting down the days now. Granted, we all want to feel just a little less shady for finding Emma attractive. But what exactly is everyone expecting to happen on April 15th? Everytime one of these young starlets starts creeping up to the magic number 18, everyone starts acting like the day after their birthday they will release a hardcore porn video... or at the very least a Playboy spread. First, when has that happened... ever?! I don't even believe the actual pornography sites that claim they signed their girls on the exact day of their 18th. Hence if you can't get real porn stars to do it, how do you plan on getting legitimate actresses to? Second, and this one is mildly more serious: what REAL difference does that day make, buddy? You've obviously been digging this girl for awhile now, and this does not retroactively wash away any skeeviness you might have already stained thy self with.

Tip for the future, just always say that _____ WILL be hot someday. Everyone already knows what you really mean, but they will usually pretend you're a normal human being. Only you and I really know that this is far, far, far from the case. Don't worry, bud, your secret is safe with me.

Hey, everyone! Did you hear what this sicko just told me about Emma Watson?! What a fucking freak!

Harry Potter plays the rebound game.

Emma Watson, prolonged exposure to whom seems to manifest impure, just-a-shade-short-of-illegal, thoughts, is rumored to have rebounded off of her short-lived relationship with the 27-yr old, heroin-addicted frontman of the British group, Razorlight, by finding solace in the arms of her Potter castmate, Daniel Radcliffe. The two were seen canoodling* at a pub recently, shortly after the aforemetioned "near-pedophilia" was ended by Watson's parents apparent complaints on the issue.

Well, I guess this makes sense. After all, these two were already doomed to spend their autumn years waving sticks around and shouting "Career-Resusitorum!" whilst point at their blank resumes. And I suppose dating a guy who poses naked with horses is a step-up** from a drug-addict pedophile***.

But on a more important note, is anybody else noticing that attractive British actresses and/or models seem to have no quarrel with their respective boyfriends doing heroin, while remaining fairly clean themselves? You see that, honey! THAT'S real love! If you really cared for me, you'd accept that my fix is worth more than your television. So give that shit up real smooth, baby! Daddy needs his medicine.

* - Simultaneously, my most favorite and least favorite word of all time.
** - 2 The Streets! Biaotch!
*** - How old is 17... really?

Source (Celebitchy)...

Emma Watson wants you in prison

Apparently, 17-year old star of the Harry Potter films, Emma Watson, told a source recently that she's interested in appearing nude on camera at some point in her career. Which is news that I'm not even sure I'm legally allowed to report. In fact, federal agents may be on their way to my house at this very moment for posting this picture. (either that or for those NASA Jupiter probes I "found" in the dumpster behind mission control. And by "dumpster", I mean a highly-secure underground storage bunker. At least in my neighborhood the two are considered the same thing. Space gangstas, bioooooooootch! What-what. And so on.)

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