Showing posts with label Ashlee Simpson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ashlee Simpson. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

RECTUS! DOMINUS!

Apparently, its a Simpson Tuesday. Ashlee Simpson, best known for plastic surgery and a future in the afterlife forever pushing her own chin up a hill, has consumated her unholy union of annoying pseudo-musicians by allowing Pete Wentz's seed inside of her. The resulting child will most likely emerge ugly as sin, with the inate ability to inspire thoughts of infanticide even in conservative nuns. Flash forward fifteen years, and watch the kid manage to attain at least two gold records without being able to play an instrument and/or sing, and/or write.

I'd say the hellspawn's parents will be so proud of It for following in their tasteless example, but I'm fairly certain Jesus will intervene and personally "escort them from the mortal coil" before then.

But seriously, Fall Out Boy is the musical equivilent of rectal bleeding. And Ashlee Simpson is the used tampon Pete Wentz uses to keep the mess off the floor.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Angry Sex... Like REEALLY Angry.

Ashlee Simpson, best known for originating in the Deeper Well, has been popping up all around the net recently in regards to her unholy union of annoyance to should-be-starved-to-death musical abortion, Pete Wenz. However, since I currently refuse to acknowledge Wenz's derivative and vastly untalented band, I'll harp upon Ashlee's new... uh... everything, apparently. It must suck to pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into plastic surgery, only to still be the lesser Simpson. Sure, I suppose I'd sleep with you... but only so that when you fall asleep afterwards, I can put a discreet webcam in your sister's shower. By this point, you'd probably be best served by lez-ing out with your own sibling for my enjoyment. I take it that the "keep it in the family rule" isn't unknown to the Simpson house.
....
Alright, to be totally honest, yeah I'd enjoy fucking this girl. Granted, she's one of the all-time most infamous "two-faces". But still she falls under that thin category of annoyance and rage translating into lust. You know how it is. Don't you? Oh.... well, you're just a prude then, Father Donovan. I thought you said we could talk about anything.