Natalie Portman is in "Thor"...ummm, ok.

News broke yesterday that Natalie Portman will be playing the love interest in the upcoming Thor movie adaptation, thereby fulfilling her contractual obligation to nerds everywhere requiring her to appear in at least one sci-fiction and/or fantasy genre movie every three years. Sometimes I wonder what its like to be her agent.... "Alright Natalie, in the next few months we have three period-piece dramas, seven indie/slightly-hipsteresque "comedies"*, a Discovery channel special.... oh, and The Matrix 7: Revenge of the College Psychology Syllabus".

This girl is going to be forced into attending Comic-Cons for the rest of her natural life. And I appreciate that. But Thor? Really? I'm sure I'll be subjected to various nerdrage for this, but lets be honest: Thor sucks. Couple this with the news that Ryan Reynolds will be playing Hal Jordan's Green Lantern, and this looks like a depressing year for comic book movies. That being said, the fact that Natalie is in this movie is probably enough to make me go see it anyways, so good on you marketing executives. Even though the role of "love interest" in one of these things is usually confined to shooting the main character confused "what-are-you-hiding-from-me" looks for the 1st 3/4's of the flick, and then getting kidnapped and rescued just before credits roll.

The Dork Knight

Ok, I admit it. I haven't really cared, nor possessed the energy necessary to follow through should I have cared, to work on this blog recently. And, I will also concede that the few and far between posts I have made were slow-ball at best. But what better way is there to get back into the swing of things, than with a massive explosion of tits and movie trailers! I'm pretty sure thats a direct quote from Kafka.


The Dark Knight theatrical trailer dropped a little while back, and hot damn if it doesn't look delicious. Who would've thunk that Heath Ledger would knock this role out of the park like he appears to have done? Upstaging Jack?! Not an easy task to accomplish. Seeing how I tend to think that The Joker is the best supervillian in comic book history, Ledger seems to have captured everything that is quentisential to Batman's archnemesis: Insanity, Make-up, Knives, Insanity, Willingness to duel Batman on foot vs. vehicle on Gotham City's largest street. Seriously, who would've thought they'd call back to the finale of the first Batman... and then improve upon it!

Alright, my hands are starting to shake, so I'll wrap this one up. Needless to say, they should just throw Oscars at Ledger's corpse for this one. And, surprisingly, I don't mean that in any sort of disrespectful way.

The Incredible Hulk - Take 2

The trailer for the new, reimagined Incredible Hulk, starring Edward Norton, came out recently. Admitedly, it looks halfway decent, continuing the bewildering trend of surprisingly hype-worthy superhero movies being released this summer; a trend started by Iron Man. But I, being the colossal nerd that I am, am actually more interested in the villian in this movie than I am the hero... mainly because they made Abomination bare a striking resembelance to a mildly-more human (and I stress "mildly") version of the Berserker from Gears of War. Like copyright infringement-style resembelance.

Still, its already better than Ang Lee's effort a couple of years back. Then again, the orange-brown pile of cat puke my serfs* left infront of my bedroom door to greet me with the pleasant sensation of cold, slightly-viscous animal bile between my toes first thing in the morning was a better adaptation of the Incredible Hulk as well, so I don't know how much you wanna read into this. Maybe its better if you just read the comic book and took out the trash for your mother. Honestly, how hard is that to do? She's been asking you to do it all day.

* - Yes. I treat my cats as medieval serfs. After all, I feed them and shelter them. Why shouldn't I keep half of their annual crops?

Unaltered pics of Abomination and the Hulk... w/trailer...

Romulus and Remus

Kevin McKidd is now rumored to have been cast as "Thor" in the upcoming Matthew Vaughn-helmed comic book adaptation. Following the news from earlier this month that Ray Stevenson has been cast as the new "Punisher", it seems that Gaius Julius Caesar's military training program produces nothing less than second tier superheroes.
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For those of you who don't know, McKidd and Stevenson are better known as "Lucius Vorenus" and "Titus Pullo" on the second* best dramatic series to ever grace television, HBO's Rome. And, on a more personal note, if you didn't already know that then what the fuck is wrong with you? Didn't mean to be rude, but seriously, there really might be something very, very wrong with you. You should consult a doctor at the earlier possible convenience.
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Now I finally know what movie I've always been dying to see: A Punisher-Thor crossover. Only instead of wearing the classic spandex outfits, they wear red capes and chainmail. And instead of fighting supervillians, they fight historical figures. And instead of the common catch-phrases, they just shout "13!" over and over again. AAAAAND instead of calling it "Punisher" OR "Thor", they just call it "Rome". There, now I'm happy.
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* - The Only One Better.
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