Giving Back

Elizabeth Hurley is an angel. Literally. Not only has she provided us with countless hours of oogling for the better part of most of my generation's youth, but now she shows her benevolence by putting out a fashion line of bikini's... all of which she models herself.

This woman is 43 years old now. And she looks like this. I'm sure there's plenty of girls out there cursing her genes with the furor of a hate crime. But, ladies, Ms. Hurley is just sharing the fact that she still has an early-20's body with the rest of the world. Do you know what that is called? Charity. If I was her, I would spend every waking moment at home, staring at myself naked in a mirror.

Then again, I kinda do that anyways. Backlit. I am breathtaking.

Source (Egotastic!)...

Liz Hurley is Broke.

Elizabeth Hurley is catching flak in the media today for apparent stinginess. According to some sources, Hurley and her new husband never paid their promised donation to the church in which they were wed, and have been paying their maid $2.50/hour. Now, I know I haven't seen Ms. Hurley in many movies lately, but I doubt a woman such as her has ever wanted for money. So I'm just gonna go ahead and assume that Liz Hurley takes perverse, sadistic pleasure from lording herself over local clergy and migrant workers. Then again, I'd clean her house for free. With my tongue. So I guess what I'm saying is that Elizabeth Hurley must be paying her maid in sexual favors. Although, I'm not sure how sexy "si" and "que" and "I need more lemon Pledge" can be. Or if her maid in any way resembles a cast member of 8th Street Latinas.com like she does in my mind.

Source (Celebitchy)...

Just Because...

Short explanation: after twenty minutes of debate between myself and CambdyanMnk over who to contrast to Lara Flynn Boyle in the previous post, we eventually settled on Liz Hurley, if only because she hasn't appeared on this site thus far. Of course, the problem with that is now I've got Hurley on the brain (both the insanely hot British actress and the morbidly overweight scene-stealing character on "Lost") and as such, must now post a brief review of Ms. Hurley's aforementioned hotness to feed the demons.

Jack Nicholson now has a Kitten's Tongue...Sandpaper, baby!

Jack Nicholson, best known for being batshit insane and ocular albinism, can add a new milestone to his body's decay. Mr. Nicholson is now bereft of saliva glands, and has to constantly drink water so that he may swallow. This one might be fairly obvious, but my PhD from South Bushwick Surgeon's Vocational School and Bodega tells me that the problem may lie in the fact that he would choose Subject A (Brand X) over Subject B if given the opportunity. Honestly, I rarely drool over skeletons in tutu's either. Well, except for that Bacon Cheddar Soft-Shell skeleton I had on my last summer vacation. Side-note: if you're looking for top-shelf until-recently human cuisine, look no further than Sandals resorts.



More on Uncle Jackie's Condition (TheBlemish)...

Note: Why Elizabeth Hurley, you ask? Well... asking that question just made you gay. I bet you can feel the club tunes beginning to eat into your brain already.