Showing posts with label Football. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Football. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

NFL Offseason Update

A little more free agency and legal news in the NFL this afternoon. God, September can't come fast enough, can it?
- The Arizona Cardinals resigned WR Larry Fitzgerald to a four-year, $40 million contract. Fitzgerald is probably Arizona's greatest offensive weapon at the moment, so resigning him was a must for the franchise. The deal will allow the Cardinals to free up almost $8 million in salary cap room.

- The Tampa Bay Bucs have signed RB Warrick Dunn, bringing the recently floundering runner back to Tampa Bay after a six-year absence. Dunn, one of the most popular players in Bucs history (the third all-time rusher in team history), was traded to the Atlanta Falcons in 2002. Dunn put up solid numbers for the first few years, but watched his numbers go the way of the rest of the Falcons in recent history. Details of the deal have yet to be released.

- The St. Louis Rams have signed QB Trent Green to a three-year, $8.9 million deal. Green played for the Rams in 2000-2001 season before being traded to the Kansas City Chiefs. Green will be fulfilling the backup role behind starter, Marc Bulger, now that he has been medically cleared from his serious concussion last season.

- RB Shawn Alexander's relationship with the Seattle Seahawks has begun to seriously fray after the announced signing of former Cowboy running back, Julius Jones, yesterday. Alexander's agent has commented that the 2005 MVP was upset with Seattle's new arrangement, and would be sitting down with the organization this week to discuss what future, if any, he would have with the team. Alexander has been marred by injury and mediocre-to-poor performance since signing his blockbuster deal with Seattle following his record-breaking 2005-2006 season.

- WR Dwayne Jarrett of the Carolina Panthers was arrested and charged with driving while impaired early this morning. In his rookie year this past season, Jarrett was a non-factor with a season total of six catches for seventy-three yards, with no touchdowns.

- Negotiations between the government and former Patriots video assistant, Matt Walsh, are continuing in regards to immunity in exchange for his testimony concerning New England's supposedly illegal taping procedures. Though a deal appears inevitable, progress has gone slow thus far. Furthermore, Walsh refuses to comment upon the information he possesses until he can be sure he will not face litigious reprecussions from his former employers, the New England Patriots.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

A Sad Day for Football


"You try to smile, but in your eyes your sorrow shows. Yes, it shows.
I can't live, if living is without you. I can't give, I can't give anymore."

Today, March 4th, 2008, the Greatest Quarterback to ever play the Game has retired from professional football. Brett Favre, "The Gunslinger", has announced his retirement at age 38. Favre leaves the game with records for Most Completions (Career), Most Touchdowns Thrown (Career), Most Passing Yards (Career), and Most Consecutive Starts (Career) to name a few; and a Super Bowl Championship, a game in which he was awarded the Most Valuable Player. Similarly, Favre took three Associated Press M.V.P.'s., a feat that has never been duplicated.

But more so than these notable accomplishments, Favre will be remembered best for his personality and guile, both on and off the field. Suffering several personal tragedies over the course of his career, Favre repeatedly rose to the occasion by putting together unforgettable performances following off-field heartbreak. But even beyond these heroic efforts, Favre showed an entire generation of young fans what a true leader looks like on the gridiron. Though not without making his own share of mistakes, all legitimate football fans will forever remember his triumphs first, usually in the form of his dozens of bootleg plays whereby #4 turned a seemingly broken play into huge gains, almost always at critical points of the game. A warhorse, Favre's record of consecutive starts will most likely never be broken by any player, save kickers, as the distinguished field-general played through serious injuries in his unyielding desire to always give every last inch to win for his team, and his fans. A pure player, who seems like a throwback to a bygone era, what entranced fans most about Favre was his obvious love of the game itself; seeming more like he was throwing the ball around in a pick-up game on a dirt road in Kiln, Mississippi... when in fact he'd be leading former-Champion Packers down the field in the closing minutes on the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field. On a personal note, Favre's charisma was so magnetic, that I carried his jersey while viewing each Giants playoff game, including the game played against the Packers, if only in the hopes of imparting some of Favre's magic to the G-Men. And, for the record, look at the results.

From every true football fan, and especially from this Giants/Bills fan, Brett Favre will be forever missed. Already, Sundays seem more empty. He was always a consumate professional, and class-act, who was possessed of a unnerving natural affinity for the sport. Congratulations on a unbelievable career, Brett, and we all look forward to cheering for you in Canton, OH as you take the stage in the summer of 2013. There has never been, and probably will never be, another like you. - Keinada.

A commentary by CambodianMonk to follow...
Well, I have had almost a week to fully immerse myself in all things Brett Favre. I can still say that I have no idea what I am going to write in this blog. Maybe I took too long to come up with something or maybe it is still too painful to talk about. I watched the Giants DVD again last night. And I started crying as if my mother had just died. NO, I wasn't crying because the Giants won the SuperBowl....I wasn't even watching that part. I was watching the NFC Championship game. It was just sad to see Brett go out like that. I understand that it was the New York Football Giants and I would not trade their win for anything in the world. But there had to be some way for Brett to win that game and the Giants still go to the Super Bowl. You know, wishful thinking.
Aside from all of the records, the Super Bowl win and the 3 MVP's in a row, the most amazing thing about watching Brett play was HOW HE PLAYED THE GAME. As Marv Levy said, "HE was the last gunslinger". (That was for Keinada, as his love for Marv is far greater than his love for Natalie....he just won't admit it) He was on the football field, especially Lambeau, and he was having fun. The guy just loved to play. After watching his press conference the other day, you could see it. You could tell he was saying goodbye to the sport of football forever. There will no longer be Brett on the field on Sunday. I won't get to see him throw another pass or another touchdown. I won't see him throw an 80yd bomb down the field, chasing after it with on arm in the air, just to high five Antonio Freeman or Donald Driver or Mark Chamura or Rober Brooks or Sterling Sharpe or Greg Jennings. He was at that moment....A Fan. That's the way he was. Happier for the other guy then he was for himself.
I will probably get ridiculed for the gayness of this one but I, along with every other true football fan, will undoubtedly miss his smile. He was on the field every Sunday with the same damn sexy yet devious smile on his face. And when it came down to it, you were more afraid of playing him for that reason. You knew that if the Packers were down by 7 or less and Brett came on the field with the crazy smile and look of determination, your team was in trouble. Brett is the only QB that I would want with 2 mins left in the 4th with my team down by 7 or less.
When he was on the field, you would think that he was playing on a field in Mississippi with a bunch of his buddies on a Sunday afternoon. He would zing passes in between two defenders as if they weren't even there. Yes, he threw intercecptions and made mistakes, but tha made him seem more human. He wasn't afraid to throw the deep ball with two defenders on a receiver. He wasn't afraid to throw it over the middle or throw a screen during an all out blitz. In todays game, it seems that every QB is afraid to make a mistake, let alone the game ending mistake. But not Brett. He wasn't afraid to lay it all out on the field. He played the game the only way that he knew how. He played it his way and the fans let him know how much they loved that about him.
Like he said, "Little ol' Southern Miss, southern boy from Hancock County who had big dreams, no different than any other kid, to play here, and there's no better place to play." Well Brett, thank you for dreaming, because if you hadn't, I would have never seen you play. I wouldn't have seen so many plays that made me sa "what the....how the fuck did he make that work". YOU are THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME. There will never be another field general who will match in you in charisma, heart, determination or gall. But most of all, there will never be another Favre, noone will be able to duplicate in the slightest what you were able to do. You are bigger then Lombardi now in Green Bay.
In closing, I would like to wish you and Deanna the best of luck in the future. I hope you don't stay away too long. Maybe you can replace Troy in the booth, you would get to see Eli play a little like you. You know the reckless abandon part. I will miss seeing you on a Sunday, having fun and just playing the game of footbal. Playing it the way it was meant to be played. Noone in the stands, no coaches....just you, some friends and the pigskin. From a New York Giants fan, Thank you for the memories, they will not be forgotten. And you will give us one more....Canton, OH in 2013...maybe sooner.
-Cambodian Monk-

Friday, February 1, 2008

The 5 Greatest Franchises in the NFL

#5... San Diego Chargers
- San Diego.... Super Chargers! Like many of my favorite teams, like all sports-fans, the San Diego Chargers find a place in my heart simply through the heroic actions of their individual players at a certain moment in time, which contributed to my overall love of football. L.T...... what more can I say? Tomlinson, no matter what theory you could postulate about the AFC Championship injury-controversy, LaDainian is the best running back in the game right now. But, beyond that, given a few more seasons, Tomlinson is the ONLY running back in the league at the moment that you can seriously consider for the title of best running back of ALL TIME. Granted, he's not there yet, but its a very serious possibility. Beyond that, they have the best recieving Tight End in the game's history, Antonio Gates. Its hard not to like the Chargers. And lets be frank... that powder blue jersey is fucking sweet.

#4... Green Bay Packers
- Never mind the history... never mind the lore of a team that plays in the most successful professional sports market on the planet, yet is owned by the citizens of a small, rural Wisconsin town that is techincally the smallest market in professional sports.... but look only at Brett Favre. I'm going to comment of Peyton Manning in a moment as the future "best Quarterback of All-Time", but let me say first that Brett Favre is the GREATEST FOOTBALL PLAYER OF ALL TIME... no quotes necessary. The Packers are impossible to hate for anyone besides Chicago, Minnesota and Detroit... and honestly, who gives a fuck about them? Chicago makes the Bronx look like Beverly Hills, the Vikings stole their colors from the Lakers and have the inate ability to cultivate a superstar player... only to send them away after a couple of years for eventual success with anothe team *cough* Moss... soon-to-be Peterson *cough*; and Detroit is a place that not even citizens of Detroit ever want to be. But the Packers are the epitamy of NFC Football. Guts, fight, balls. When Al Pacino performed his famous speech in "Any Given Sunday", he later claimed that he envisioned the Green Bay Packers whilst he was doing it. They are Football. They are Forever. And Favre is Thy God.


#3... Indianapolis Colts
- Honestly, how can you not like the Colts? They are like the protaganist of the NFL. They are the classiest organization in the league. You never hear shit-talk from any member of their franchise, and while they have only obtained one title yet, I predict at least two more before the elder Manning retires. And on the subject of the Peyton, let us just admit one thing to ourselves... on a pure, raw skill level... #18 is the best Quarterback to ever play the game. He operates an offense like no other... (although it should be noted by such a Buffalo-whore as I am that the audible-heavy no-huddle offense of the Colts has been done before... in the early 90's behind Jim Kelly)... and attacks secondary's with reckless abandon unseen before in the sports. No... I didn't forget Tom Brady when I said that... because I firmly believe that when playing each other, now, Peyton is the better single player, while Brady plays on the better overall team. Still, he's first round hall-of-fame, as is Marvin Harrison.. and probably will be Reggie Wayne... and probably Joseph Addai.... and maybe even Clark, too. And all of these people are going there because of two men: Tony Dungy and Peyton Manning. And you can never take that ring away from them.


#1b... New York Football Giants
- Ok... this is very difficult. Speaking personally, when I was a child... I was raised as a hardcore Bills fan. I was born in Kenmore, NY.. which is approximately 3 miles from downtown Buffalo. But, in truth, I was raised in Long Island... where you have two choices of teams to root for.. the Jets or the Giants... and believe me.. the Jets were looking soooooo good after Scott Norwood's fifteen seconds of infamy... but eventually, Igrew a begrudging respect for the Giants. They were a punch-you-in-the-face team. They were never a dynasty... most years they were just as much of a disappoinment, if not more so, than the Bills... but they would always steal a huge game against the Eagles or Cowboys every year... a great "fuck-you!" moment was the true joy of the Giants fan for many-a-season... And by my late teens, I was hooked. So I can't place the Giants as a real number #2. Let me just explain that the only reason I place the Bills always first is simple, stupid loyality. The Giants have won a Super Bowl from time-to-time... but the Bills have not. But I'll leave the Bison-cocksucking for the next entry and just say this... no matter what happens in the upcoming Super Bowl... the New York Football Giants have so far provided me with the happiest sports moment of my entire life... by upsetting the Packers for the NFC Championship in overtime, after upsetting the hated-Cowboys in the divisional, after upsetting the Bucs in the Wild Card.... Whatever happens, I apologize, Eli. Now, I believe.


#1a... Buffalo Bills
- Just one. Just one Lombardi trophy before I die. Pleeeeeeeeaaassse. I love you Bruce Smith.

The 5 Most Shit-stained Franchises in the NFL


#5... Arizona Cardinals
- Since stealing the 1925 NFL Championship, in the most explicit and shamefully obvious display of infantiile-thievery in all of professional football history, the Cardinals have moved from the perennial last-place team of the NFC East in St. Louis, to the easily-forgettable first-round draft pick graveyard of Arizona. "Hooray! We have the best stadium in the NFL!..... But when do we start winning games?" The Cardinals stole their logo from a MLB team, and then proceeded to provide millions of Americans with an easy-win game for their own home team for decades to come. Keep holding your breath for Matt Leinart, Glendale... maybe one day you can watch him lead his team to a Super Bowl... in another city after you trade him for yet another wasted first round pick.



#4... Seattle Seahawks
- The Queens of Lawful Cheating in the NFL. If your team requires a multi-million dollar P.A. system to provide your so-called "12th Man", then you're better off going back to heralding yourself as grunge music's home than pretending to this shit. Let's be honest, Seattle, you are NOT a football town. You are SEATTLE! Drink some fucking coffee and shut the fuck up! You aren't going to win a Super Bowl. So shut up, turn off your P.A. system, and see how loud it is at Quest without it. Who cares, though? You'll still lose in the end.

#3... Philadelphia Eagles
- You don't even have fans, Phily. You have a large gathering of filthy-delphians who buy season tickets in order to hate you with every inch of their souls every single fucking year. Its sad when a fanbase celebrates their reputation for throwing snowballs at Santa. Even if the Eagles won the Super Bowl, which won't happen until you drop McNabb at the very least, you'd still throw feces on him during the victory parade. You celebrate being the worst fans in all of professional sports. You deserve everything that happens to your franchise.



#2... Dallas Cowboys
- "America's Team", huh? Well, if you mean the during the mid-90's, fair enough, I believe you. But remind me how many playoff games you've won since Emmitt Smith retired? Sorry? I couldn't quite hear you? Oh yeah, I forgot... Tony Romo is the future of the game, right? Oh...wait... didn't Eli Manning take his team further into the postseason than Romo ever dreamed? I'm sorry, Dallas, but you're city sucks so bad that every Texan I've ever met had told me that, while they are Cowboy fans, Dallas just plain sucks to even visit. Jesus Christ, in New York... our capital is Albany... and NOBODY outside of this state knows that... because the whole state is centered around New York City. But in Texas, its backwards. Their capital, Austin, is apparently bad-ass and well-reviewed by everyone... but Dallas hasn't done anything for Texas besides providing a large airport and a successful 1980's primetime drama... So get your popcorn ready, "Boy"-lovers, and then cry into a New York Football Giants NFC Championship t-shirt whilst you blame one of your own, ditsy, blonde, fantastically-endowed celebrities for all of your misery. And for the record, Jessica Simpson's tits are worth ten Dallas Cowboy franchises.
#1... New England Patriots
- I put the most ghetto version of the Pats logo up here on purpose. I was quite tempted to put up the ol' gay-ass tri-corner hat wearing, three-point stance bearing, tea-party faggot up instead... but ok, fine, I'll respect your 2000's dynasty enough to at least provide a shadow of your hated-legacy up here. But never before have I seen a more one-dimensional team in NFL history. Seriously, if Tom Brady doesn't play for you, you can't win. Its that simple. You lucked out this time with a late-draft pick. Congratulations. I'm still sure the Pittsburgh Steelers would take issue with your idiotic "best team of all time" claim. So ride the rest of Brady's career, confident in your mad-scientist Belichick... and share a beer with Cleveland when you wonder what went wrong after Brady retires... Pats Fan: "But Bill can't lose! He's a genius!" Browns Fan: "One winning season and thats it.... yes... he can lose."

Saturday, September 22, 2007

PWNED!

Oh, look, a good QB. On the heels of the McGag comments/fiasco the media did the only right thing, yet obligatory by circumstance due to their lack of morals and respect for other players. They interviewed any black Quarterback they could find. Most of the sentiments were the same; "That's his opinion." "It's not about black or white". Although one Young African-American QB had a bit more to add then just your run of the mill, cliche response.

.....


When interviewed Vince stated;


To play quarterback in the NFL, Vince Young said you must have
thick skin and it doesn’t matter if it’s black or white.



“That is his opinion. I really feel like myself, black or white quarterbacks, we all go through something because that is the life of a quarterback,’’ Young said Wednesday. “You have to be able to handle all the pressure and you have to be able to handle the losses and you have to be able to handle the media saying this about you.“If you can’t handle it, then you have to get off that position and go play something else.’’
.....


Ooooooooooh. Daaamn, son! You gonna let him talk to you like that? You gonna let him do that? Hahaha! This is great. Vince Young just verbally dropped trou' and pinched off a rose bud right in McNabb's mouth. He's right, one hundred percent, again the problem lies in Donovans willingness to thoroughly and unabashedly blow. Hard. It's not the color of your skin, It's the inaccuracy of your slant and post passes.
___________
-SlapChicken-

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Donovan, it's not because you're black. It's because you SUCK!

The only picture I will place on this topic is that of T.O. doing his "damn dudda" dance.

1. Because I despise Donovan McNabb

2. It's a nice display of the talent McNabb drove out of Philly due to his monumental sucking

3. He does this dance because he's elated, he hasn't had to play for Philly in 3 years, what's there not to be happy about? That and the fact he doesn't HAVE to hear the words "Chunky" or "Soup" 150 times a day anymore. Which was once bound by contractual obligation. Thank you Ms. McNabb. Bitch. Anyway, now getting to the real news, which when read will infuriate you. Mostly because of Donovan's arrogance, ignorance and just plain stupidity

........

Donovan McNabb recently sat down with James Brown, no not the deceased singer/songwriter, although that would have been fucking awesome. The former football player turned sports journalist and Terry Bradshaw acessory. He told Mr. Brown that African American quarter backs are criticized much more for their play than their Caucasian counterparts. 'What's the big deal, he makes a valid point" is what i'm sure you're saying at this moment. Please, bear with me. It gets better, or worse, depends on how you look at it. What you'll be reading next is a large excerpt of the article in question, and no, I did NOT doctor it.

........


"I pass for 300 yards, our team wins by seven, [mimicking]
'Ah, he could've made this throw, they would have scored if he did this,' "
McNabb tells HBO.

"Doesn't every quarterback go through that?" Brown asks. "Not everybody," McNabb replies.

Brown then asks if the media is tougher on him than on white quarterbacks such as Carson Palmer and Peyton Manning.

"Let me start by saying I love those guys," McNabb tells HBO. "But they don't get criticized as much as we do. They don't."

In the interview, McNabb also talks to Brown about playing in Philadelphia, a city known for passionate sports fans who aren't afraid to criticize the city's pro athletes.

"Every year I'm part of some criticism," McNabb tells HBO. "But every day that we go through life, you're faced with a lot of adversity. Now the answer is how do you handle the adversity. How do you respond? "I try to handle myself with class. I try to handle myself with dignity. I think sometimes people look to players to act out, speak loudly, pretty much be an idiot. But that's not me."

........

Ok, where the fuck do I begin. Hoooly shit. I guess I'll respond in order. First off, yes, McGag! Every QB goe through that you fucking elitist dolt.

Secondly, yes. Carson Palmer and Peyton Manning do get criticized. Maybe Carson less, but Peyton Manning up until last years Superbowl was one of, if not THE, most criticized QB in the league. I think anyone with half of a brain who watches football would agree with me.

Finally, the part I get a kick out of the most. Donovan, D-Mac, whatever the fuck you're going by these days, guess what? You get criticized in Philly becaue the fans are grade-A assholes and you haven't done shit for the team. You're a perennial choker and when you got to the big game you choked because you had the fucking sniffles You gave up because you had a cold, are you kidding?! Terrell Owens played with a broken fucking ankle with no complaints.

Here's my favorite part though and I'll quote it again just 'cause it's so damn contradictory. "I try to handle myself with class. I try to handle myself with dignity. I think sometimes people look to players to act out, speak loudly, pretty much be an idiot. But that's not me." What?!?! That single sentence nullifies anything you just said and describes everything you are being by making these kinds of ridicuous statements. You don't see Michael Vick making these comments, oh wait. OK, well, you don't see Vince Young saying this stuff. Oh, wait, Vince is actually good. David Garrard, no, he's in Jacksonville, no one cares about them. Hmmm, looks like you're on your own. By the way, Eagles are now 0-2 on the season. Go, Go, Gadget failure!

Full Article. Interview will be aired TONIGHT on HBO's "Real sports with Bryant Gumbal".
.......

-SlapChicken-

Saturday, September 15, 2007

I Spy with Belichick's Eyes

Remember this face ladies and gentlemen, this is the face of the devil. I will admit that he is one of the greatest coeaches the NFL has seen, partly because he is a Parcell's School of Football alumni. He has been called a defensive guru, he has led the Patriots to 3 Super Bowls and most people have said they will go down in history as one of the greatest franchises in NFL history. That is absolutely true, only now they will be the most infamous franchise. I will be honest that I am probably not the biggest football fan out there. I can't tell you who was the league MVP each year starting in 1980, I can't tell you who won the Heisman in 1985, but I love football more then life itself. I watch every game on Sunday, I watch highlights of old games, I cry when former players are inducted into the football Hall of Fame and I would not want to live if the sport of football did not exist. It is America's sport. But I can't tell you where my hatred for the Patriots comes from. I am not a fan of any AFC East team, they didn't beat my favorite team, the New York Football Giants, in the Super Bowl. So I can only say that I hate the Patriots with a passion, as do most of the people involved in the football universe. After watching the Patriots trounce the Jets, I thought to myself that I need to hate them even more now. They looked impressive, they really did. With my hatred put aside, they are still a great football team, I cannot deny that. Randy Moss ran 56 yards for a touchdown, Ellis Hobbs returned a kickoff 108 yards for a touchdown and Tom Brady was almost perfect at the helm completing 22 of 28 passes for 297 yards and 3 touchdowns. Then the Patriot world comes crashing down. the greatest team in football, the greatest coach in football today...caught cheating.

This poses a question that has come up time after time this week: Is Belichick's coaching skills discredited now? Did he legitimitely win those Super Bowls? How long has he had a blatant disregard for the rules and regulations of the NFL? Unfotunately, these questions will remain unanswered. There are those that say the actions taken by Roger Goodell, $500,000 fine to Belichick, $250,000 fine to the Patriots and the loss of a first round draft pick, are not harsh enough. I say the most disappointing aspect is that there will not be a probe into other incidents. Last November, the same Patriot flunky, Matt Estrella, had his camera confiscated by league officials for suspicion videotaping defensive signals. This is a definite blemish on what has so far been a brilliant coaching career. However, it has been known that Belichick is not one to think to highly over other people's opinions of him. Who is to say that the Patriots did not have an advantage in January against the Charger's? I'm sure the Charger's want to know. How about the St. Loius Rams? Carolina Panther's? They all lost in the playoffs or Super Bowl to the Patriots. Do they have a right to know? You can say that on Sunday it didn't sway the outcome of the game because the videocamera was confiscated during the 1st quarter.However, one cannot deny how much of an advantage they could have had. The video operator points the camera at the opposing team's defensive coordinator giving signals to his player's on the field. The vidoe of the hand signals is compared with the overhead photos of each play which are available to teams during a game. These are the photos that you see the defensive players looking at when the offense is on the field. From the comparison of the signal to the formation on the field, a team could know that a raised hand, for example, could mean blitz. The next time they notice a raised hand, they can adjust accordingly. Coaches relay information to players on the field via headsets or hand gestures. These comparisons can be made during halftime and the team can be more prepared for the second half. This can also be useful longterm with teams creating files for each team.

I know this post is not funny, it isn't meant to be. I'm sorry, I cannot make a joke about something that is a joke in itself. Belichick and the rest of the Patriot organization, including that fudgepacking homosexual of an owner Robert Kraft, should be shamed into leaving football. Seriously, if you need to videotape defensive signals to have an edge against another football team, you shouldn't be in the National Football League. If you feel the need to vidoetape a football game, tape a bunch of high school kids playing football in a park somewhere. Analyze them. Belichick should be ashamed of himself, Rober tKraft should commit sobuku and the rest of the Patriots should spontaneously combust.

-Cambodian Monk-

Special thanks to the Boston Globe, ESPN and ABC News

Monday, September 10, 2007

NFL Sunday Wrap-up - Week One

Well, the first week of the NFL 2007-2008 season is all but concluded, and its time to review the first sabbath day of our holy sport of god-emperors....
....
LaDainian Tomlinson was held to a relatively quiet game by the Chicago Bears defense on Sunday, which would have been a tremendous accomplishment had he not finally broken out in the last stages of the game to score his first running touchdown of the season. Additionally, L.T. threw for a touchdown, but was held to only 25 rushing yards.
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Randy Moss returned to old form in the Patriots defeat of the Jets on Sunday, amassing 183 receiving yards and a touchdown as Tom Brady and the Patriots trounced the Jets, 38 - 14.
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Three games were concluded by a last-play field goal, as the Broncos overcame the Bills at the finish for a 15 - 14 victory; Washington bested Miami, 16 - 13; and Green Bay thankfully broke the Eagles hearts, 16 - 13, as well.
....
Finally, the New York Giants held on for as long as possible Sunday night against the Cowboys, despite several key injuries. Eventually, however, they succumbed in a game that showcased both New York's and Dallas' lack of defense, losing the game 45 - 35. Starting running back, Brandon Jacobs, as well as quarterback, Eli Manning, were both knocked out of the game, and will have announcements made on their conditions sometime today or tomorrow.
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The John Mellancamp song, "This is Our Country", was played a total of 13 times thus far this season.
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John Madden has attracted two small moons into orbit around his waistline thus far this season.
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So, rounding it up, with total scores to follow, week one was as nutty as it always tends to be. Both my Giants and Bills got themselves beat, but both the Chargers and Colts confirmed that they are still forces to reckoned with in the AFC. Which, of course, only provides me with the solace that they may beat the Patriots later this year when it matters. Oh, how fun football is when you're only option is to follow it purely for fantasy football reasons, and hoping to see the Pats and Eagles lose as often as possible. And later, when you're watching the inexplicable Superbowl matchup of the Pats and Eagles, look for a crazed, naked fan running in at the kickoff to detonate a large, pressurized canister strapped to his chest and filled with 63 gallons of human excrement. Boom! Touch Actin' Tinactin!

Indianapolis Colts defeat New Orleans Saints, 41-10
Denver Broncos defeat Buffalo Bills, 15-14
Pittsburgh Steelers defeat Cleveland Browns, 34-7
Green Bay Packers defeat Philadelphia Eagles, 16-13
Carolina Panthers defeat St. Louis Rams, 27-13
Minnesota Vikings defeat Atlanta Falcons, 24-3
New England Patriots defeat New York Jets, 38-14
Washington Redskins defeat Miami Dolphins, 16-13
Tennessee Titans defeat Jacksonville Jaguars, 13-10
Houston Texans defeat Kansas City Chiefs, 20-3
Detroit Lions defeat Oakland Raiders, 36-21
San Diego Chargers defeat Chicago Bears, 14-3
Seattle Seahawks defeat Tampa Bay Bucs, 20-6
Dallas Cowboys defeat New York Giants, 45-35
...
Baltimore Ravens at Cincinatti Bengals, tonight @ 7:00pm EST
Arizona Cardinals at San Francisco 49ers, tonight @ 10:15pm EST

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Dad, How did Grandpa die? Ever hear of football, son?



See this guy, to the left, he's out of his fucking mind. 59 year old Mike Flynt has decided he's going to right one of his life long regrets and play college football once again. Flynt returned to Sul Ross State and could play as early as Spetember 1st. To absolutely no one's surprise he was drinking when he thought up this bright idea.

....

Now, I'm not going to go into details because the story is boring as shit and sappier than a split spruce, but what the hell is he thinking? What is he going to tell his family when he gets hit so hard on the first play that his prostate and several other vital organs eject from his body. A well conditioned, top shape 59 year old man is no match for a 22 year old lineman who downs 5 lbs of red meat, 3 creotine shakes and about a half cup of steroids a day. At least he's only 6 years away from Medicare. Ha!

.....

I wonder if he's writing his will at the moment, or maybe he already has it jotted down on the elastic band of his soon to be useless jock strap. Well, at least the Grandkids will have an awesome story to tell. "How did your Grandpa die, Johnny", "He was running a slant play when he when he got hit and turned into a cloud of dust".

Story.

.........

-SlapChicken-