Iraq War 2: Mercenaries

Former Navy SEAL, Erik Prince, founder of Blackwater USA, appeared before the House Oversight Committee yesterday to address growing allegations of reckless endangerment, along with a few claims of outright murder, by his scandal-locked international security company. Blackwater USA is one of many US-based firms sub-contracted by the military to perform security escort work in the Iraq War theater. Thought the firm is largely populated by ex-military personel, the company has been embroiled in accusation of incompetance and neglect in their duties during their 3-year stay in Iraq. Several incidents regarding unprovoked assaults on Iraqi civillians by company employees have been reported, piling up estimates as high as two to four hundred killed directly by Blackwater purposeful arms fire.

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Wow. No one saw this coming. Especially not me. I mean, how could you? An independant contractor, who in the vein of all farmed-out government work just happened to be the lowest bidder, that operates outside of the regional justice system is suspected of abuse. No way. I'm so fucking shocked that this expression might be frozen to my face forever. Good thing I look disarmingly sexy in any facial expression. Besides, that last one I had on actually caused a few fat chicks to kill themselves for their instant knowledge that they would have no shot with what Webster's defines as "Hotness Incarnate".

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Seriously, though, this whole Iraq thing is bad enough without us hiring out mercs, and thats what they are... fucking mercs.... , to do our dirty work for us. This is exactly the kind of thing that ends up fucking over the evil empire in the end of every science fiction movie. And seeing how we, as a nation, are just one white-armor clad soldier away from humming the Imperial March before baseball games, that maaaaaay not be the best idea.

Distract yourself from our upcoming collective demise by staring at pictures of Catherine Bell in pseudo-military attire.

Full Story (CNN)...

I Spy with Belichick's Eyes

Remember this face ladies and gentlemen, this is the face of the devil. I will admit that he is one of the greatest coeaches the NFL has seen, partly because he is a Parcell's School of Football alumni. He has been called a defensive guru, he has led the Patriots to 3 Super Bowls and most people have said they will go down in history as one of the greatest franchises in NFL history. That is absolutely true, only now they will be the most infamous franchise. I will be honest that I am probably not the biggest football fan out there. I can't tell you who was the league MVP each year starting in 1980, I can't tell you who won the Heisman in 1985, but I love football more then life itself. I watch every game on Sunday, I watch highlights of old games, I cry when former players are inducted into the football Hall of Fame and I would not want to live if the sport of football did not exist. It is America's sport. But I can't tell you where my hatred for the Patriots comes from. I am not a fan of any AFC East team, they didn't beat my favorite team, the New York Football Giants, in the Super Bowl. So I can only say that I hate the Patriots with a passion, as do most of the people involved in the football universe. After watching the Patriots trounce the Jets, I thought to myself that I need to hate them even more now. They looked impressive, they really did. With my hatred put aside, they are still a great football team, I cannot deny that. Randy Moss ran 56 yards for a touchdown, Ellis Hobbs returned a kickoff 108 yards for a touchdown and Tom Brady was almost perfect at the helm completing 22 of 28 passes for 297 yards and 3 touchdowns. Then the Patriot world comes crashing down. the greatest team in football, the greatest coach in football today...caught cheating.

This poses a question that has come up time after time this week: Is Belichick's coaching skills discredited now? Did he legitimitely win those Super Bowls? How long has he had a blatant disregard for the rules and regulations of the NFL? Unfotunately, these questions will remain unanswered. There are those that say the actions taken by Roger Goodell, $500,000 fine to Belichick, $250,000 fine to the Patriots and the loss of a first round draft pick, are not harsh enough. I say the most disappointing aspect is that there will not be a probe into other incidents. Last November, the same Patriot flunky, Matt Estrella, had his camera confiscated by league officials for suspicion videotaping defensive signals. This is a definite blemish on what has so far been a brilliant coaching career. However, it has been known that Belichick is not one to think to highly over other people's opinions of him. Who is to say that the Patriots did not have an advantage in January against the Charger's? I'm sure the Charger's want to know. How about the St. Loius Rams? Carolina Panther's? They all lost in the playoffs or Super Bowl to the Patriots. Do they have a right to know? You can say that on Sunday it didn't sway the outcome of the game because the videocamera was confiscated during the 1st quarter.However, one cannot deny how much of an advantage they could have had. The video operator points the camera at the opposing team's defensive coordinator giving signals to his player's on the field. The vidoe of the hand signals is compared with the overhead photos of each play which are available to teams during a game. These are the photos that you see the defensive players looking at when the offense is on the field. From the comparison of the signal to the formation on the field, a team could know that a raised hand, for example, could mean blitz. The next time they notice a raised hand, they can adjust accordingly. Coaches relay information to players on the field via headsets or hand gestures. These comparisons can be made during halftime and the team can be more prepared for the second half. This can also be useful longterm with teams creating files for each team.

I know this post is not funny, it isn't meant to be. I'm sorry, I cannot make a joke about something that is a joke in itself. Belichick and the rest of the Patriot organization, including that fudgepacking homosexual of an owner Robert Kraft, should be shamed into leaving football. Seriously, if you need to videotape defensive signals to have an edge against another football team, you shouldn't be in the National Football League. If you feel the need to vidoetape a football game, tape a bunch of high school kids playing football in a park somewhere. Analyze them. Belichick should be ashamed of himself, Rober tKraft should commit sobuku and the rest of the Patriots should spontaneously combust.

-Cambodian Monk-

Special thanks to the Boston Globe, ESPN and ABC News

Spears gets her (Mind) Freak on.

The queen of class, the dignity diva, Britney Spears has another notch of distinction to add to her belt. Apparently Spears and Criss Angel of the incredibly boring, yet some how highly rated show "MindFreak" were seen heading into a Beverly Hills Hotel hand in hand in the wee hours of the morning. I'm not sure what's more bothersome. Criss Angel's love for jewelery that I would have bought at a flea market in 1994 to match my Soundgarden shirt and chain wallet. Or. The fact that Britney Spears is still walking around with a bad wig on displaying a fearsome and formidable fore head, the likes of which even James Carville would be shamed by.

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So. Britney has gone from white rappers and mannies to post-op, sorcerer trannies. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure Criss Angel used to be a woman....or emo. Although, his odd look, knack for boring parlor tricks and affinity for trashy, used up, insecure women could also be partly because he's from Long Island. Maybe the MindFreak can perform some magic on her vagina and make it look less like an Arby's Roast Beef sandwich.


-SlapChicken-