Heather Mills has reportedly been awarded more than $50 million in her divorce settlement with Sir Paul McCartney. The former couple seperated in May, 2006 and almost 4 years of marriage, and have had a very ugly public relationship afterwards. Since then, Mills has become the self-described "most hated woman in Britain". The two have a four-year old daughter together, named Beatrice. Well, Ms. Mills finally got her paycheck. After two years of classless behavior regarding her own divorce, including a hilarious stint on Dancing With The Stars, Mills is walking away with nearly 3% of Paul McCartney's financial empire. Three. Entire. Percent. I'm sure Paul is home crying to his countless acolades, awards and still Scrooge McDuck-like bank account. Meanwhile, Heather Mills has left an entire country wishing her leg had lost the rest of her body, and not the other way around. So was it worth it? Well, god knows I'd felate a wild boar for $50 million. Hell, I might even have sex with Heather Mills. But then again, I'm a whore. So, I guess if Ms. Mills can fess up to being a whore... than maybe the public will find it in their hearts to forgive her. If not, she can use her new money to build herself a Darth Vader-esque suit and show the same grace and compassion of an amputee that Anakin Skywalker showed so many years ago (i.e. genocide on a galactic scale)
In the meantime, somebody get poor old Paul a new woman. Remember people, we've got to comp this guy on drinks and women for life... he did co-write most of The White Album, after all. Hence, I've thrown an available "bird" up there for your consideration. I'm not actually sure whether or not Rachel Stevens is married or not... but if she is it doesn't really matter, does it? This is the "cute Beatle" after all. Not to be confused with my pet beetle, Gargamel, who is "passable" at best.
