A Shania Twain Moment

Shania Twain is one of the more underappreciated
masturbatory idols of the 1990's in my opinion. Sure, she got lost in the Spears/Aguilera/Simpson/Moore perfect storm of barely legal (and now running a 50% ratio of "mentally unstable") storm of pop tarts. But, to be fair, she goes have the PERFECT body... and FACE... and CANADIAN-NESS! I know I've put up this picture to the right before, but it still warms my... heart... to this day. Add in the fact that she spent the decade almost exclusively exposing her mid-drift and cleavage, and her lack of appearing in a hardcore porno is the only thing I can hold against her. Especially after the restraining order.

One Hot Canadian

Shania Twain, Canada's contribution to country music of the 1990's (hosers), reappeared recently... and god damn! Thats a fine looking 42 year-old. Its not like I'm discovering this today, of course. Any child who had the misfortune to begin puberty before the wide-spread adoption of the internet (read: anyone born between the dawn of time and 1985) knows damn well that the next suitable option are pop-music videos. And in that fateful time period, Ms. Twain's artistic endeavors were well-soiled by millions of sweaty and incredibly awkward teen boys. Oh, the good ol' days...

Wait a minute! Those days sucked! If I remember correctly, they went something like this: "What the fuck is this?! Six Foo Fighters videos in a row?! Goddammit, I'd settle for a fucking Spice Girls video at this point! I've gotta to go to school in five minutes! Fuck this, there has to be an aerobic informercial on somewhere." Oh, internet. How I've taken you for granted. And how you've taken away the last fifteen years of my life, in turn. Without you, my imagination would remain forever un-sodomized. But thanks to you, now the line between sexual aroused and profoundly disturbed is thinner than ever. So, from me to you: Thanks, internet. Now lets go watch some midget dogs get defecated on by Brazillian shemales. Ahhh, its like watching a moving Norman Rockwell painting.

That middle one is for you, SlapChicken. Suck it.