Wait a minute! Those days sucked! If I remember correctly, they went something like this: "What the fuck is this?! Six Foo Fighters videos in a row?! Goddammit, I'd settle for a fucking Spice Girls video at this point! I've gotta to go to school in five minutes! Fuck this, there has to be an aerobic informercial on somewhere." Oh, internet. How I've taken you for granted. And how you've taken away the last fifteen years of my life, in turn. Without you, my imagination would remain forever un-sodomized. But thanks to you, now the line between sexual aroused and profoundly disturbed is thinner than ever. So, from me to you: Thanks, internet. Now lets go watch some midget dogs get defecated on by Brazillian shemales. Ahhh, its like watching a moving Norman Rockwell painting.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
One Hot Canadian
Shania Twain, Canada's contribution to country music of the 1990's (hosers), reappeared recently... and god damn! Thats a fine looking 42 year-old. Its not like I'm discovering this today, of course. Any child who had the misfortune to begin puberty before the wide-spread adoption of the internet (read: anyone born between the dawn of time and 1985) knows damn well that the next suitable option are pop-music videos. And in that fateful time period, Ms. Twain's artistic endeavors were well-soiled by millions of sweaty and incredibly awkward teen boys. Oh, the good ol' days...
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