Foxy Brown: Nazgul, Dementor or Drag Queen?

You make the call! Before I get into this "story" I just wanna know how long it takes Foxy to shave in the morning. No, seriously, I want to know. She keeps it clean and know's how to line that shit up. Whats with the hair, too? Does it engulf her entire body? Did she have to part the mane, a la Cousin IT? It looks like someone super imposed her face on the back of a gorilla.

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Getting to news that matters, well not really, I just don't have anything better to write about. Foxy Brown was thrown in the clinker for violation of probation.

Last week, Brown surrendered to police on charges that she assaulted her Brooklyn neighbor with her BlackBerry device. Then, just one day after her surrender, police in Mahwah, N.J., pulled the rapper over after she was spotted talking on her cell phone while driving her 2007 Land Rover. Officers cited her for talking on the phone and failing to stop at a stop sign. In addition, Brown gave police officers a false birth date and a variation of her name. Forced to admit her real identity, police reportedly learned that the musician was driving with a suspended license. Her Land Rover's registration also had been suspended.

People Magazine

She also let People magazine aware that she is currently pregnant. So she's obviously going to give birth to an indescript ball of hair that will grow up to be a D-List rapper who is known for absolutely nothing. I tell 'ya. The future is going to be bright for her kid, if only for an hour a day when he gets to visit the yard and shoot hoops. Holla!

Full "story"

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As a sidenote, if you understood the references in the title of this post then you my friend are just as sad as I. In that case...you wanna hang out this weekend? My mom said she'd order us Domino's and I got nothing to do and a fistfull of 20 sided dice. Please, please.


-SlapChicken-

No, seriously. I want to be blind.

Well, there really is not a lot of explaining to do here. It's pretty obvious that he's taking a picture of the most traversed and fearsome terain man has seen. All the while Paris is on the phone talking about how many lines and/or dicks she is going to blow twenty five minutes from now.

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Still, being involved in such deep and thought provoking conversation she doesn't notice Pervy McPerverson? So, she really is oblivious to the world around her, kudos to that guy then. Even though he will never see again after developing pictures of the devil himself.

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-SlapChicken-

Lily Allen training for Metal Gear Solid 5.

First off, who is Lily Allen? I've never heard of her and trust me I know who everyone is. When I say everyone I really mean my dog, who I talk to for the weather and possible natural disasters on the horizon, look out Walla, Walla, Washington.

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Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Lily Allen apparently was taken out of a U.K. club in an oversized shopping bag. This was to avoid the paparazzi, but failed and has caught the eye of Metal Gear creator Hideo Kojima. When speaking to Hideo he said... "Aaaah, UhYeeessss. She is rearry, rearry good at hiding. I rike da way she tinks. One day I hope to see her scurrying around in a codbod box".

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So let me understand, or at least try to. You don't want your picture taken so you hop into a giant bag and have your friends drag you out. Wouldn't it have been easier and less humiliating to just walk out? You obviously would have had your picture taken either way. Now though, you have your picture taken and seem like the crazy lady down the block who has political debates with her lawn gnome and shouts racial epitets and squirrels.

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-SlapChicken-