Sarah Jessica Parker has been named the Unsexiest Woman in the World by Maxim magazine. And ol' Cthulu herself is none too pleased about it: "Do I have big fake boobs, Botox and big lips? No. Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men's magazine? Maybe not. Am I really the unsexiest women in the world? Wow! It's so brutal in a way, so filled with rage and anger. It upset him (Broderick), because it has to do with his judgement too. It's condemnation, it's insane. What can I do? I guess you can't please all people."
Firstly: Sarah Jessica Parker is not the ugliest woman in the world. She is the ugliest woman in the world... to people with penises. I've gotten into plenty of arguments with women over this one... since they must defend Carrie Bradshaw like the Knights Templar defend the Holy Grail. They contend how well she "wears her features" and "what a great body she has, regardless". Well, when you add "regardless" to a compliment about someone's body, then that should already tell you what condition the upper 10% of it is in. And how does one "wear her features" well? She wears makeup and dresses that hope to draw the eye towards the cleavage and away from her Gorgon-like visage? Listen, women: if you guys think Ms. Parker is so irresistable, why don't you guys fuck her? Because, honestly, we don't want to.
Oh God, its fucking looking at me! Back! Back, I say! *grabs fiery torch*
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