Winona Ryder is at it again. Ha ha ha. What an original opening line... oh, I'm so clever. Anyway, Ms. Ryder was recently stopped at a Hollywood pharmacy after setting off the alarm the other day. Apparently, Winona had a few small items in her bag that she hadn't paid for. Uh-oh.Honestly, I don't even really care. For one thing, this story was fresh around the other end of this decade (side note: isn't that kind-of depressing?). Second, it sounds like the items in question totaled roughly three dollars. I'm fairly certain Winona could've paid this off with the spare change in her purse. Nevertheless, I'm putting this up here purely because Winona Ryder has some surprisingly fantastic breasts. I don't care if they might be klepto-breasts, although I must admit that sounds like a pretty nasty disease. I just encourage scandilous gossip in the hope that it will drive career's so far into the gutter that a nude photospread/graphic sex scene is the only way an actress can revive themselves from C-list purgatory.
Wait, no! I've given away my Master Plan! Ruined! Sixteen years of meticulous planning! NOOOO! Damn you, Winona Ryder! Damn your harlot tits! I guess I actually have to go back to vocational school now... *sigh*. My parents aren't gonna let me hear the end of this one. You'd think they'd encourage their son to follow his dreams, but noooOOOOooooo. Sure, those dreams included wiping out their bank accounts and relocating to Eranakis, El Salvador to pursue my lifelong aspiration to promote the nudity of famous people. But children are a responsibility, Mom and Dad, and like a young sapling... you must provide water to allow me to grow. If you really think about it... it was YOU guys who let me down by grounding me for two weeks when I sold my sister's kidney on eBay. So... I think that means that instead of punishment, you owe me a present. I could use a HoverRound. If you can't afford it, I'll just take Grandma's and call it even. I'm glad we had this talk.
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