Ho-ree Godzirra!

Anti-Asian Defamation League be damned! I will not surrender my one-dimensional, cliched racial accent stereotype jokes!

So, uh...yeah. A series of fairly powerful earthquakes struck Japan over the last day or so, resulting in a breakdown at a nuclear material facitlity. Apparently, both radioactive water and fire* were leaked from the facility, and a cleanup operation is now under way. However, the surrounding countryside has already seen a drastic mutation of Japan's most valuable commodity**. There was the before....and here's the after.

Watch. This will all turn out to be more viral marketing for J.J. Abrams MYYYSSSSTERRRY MOOOOONNNNSSSTTTTTEEERRR MOOOOOOOOVIE (And yes, I expect you to pronounce that last bit out loud, and if any body in your immediate vicinity makes fun of you, hit em with ye ol' hot brick to the face). Then again, pretty soon everything in the world will turn out to be viral marketing for this movie. That cheeseless dollar cheeseburger they gave you at McDonald's? J.J. Abrams monster movie. It rained on both Tuesday AND Wednesday? J.J. Abrams monster movie. Your girlfriend broke up with you? Well......that was just me, man. I'm sorry, but she is like a tractor beam of hotness.***

On a side note, around 800 people died during this disaster. So....uh....*throws exploding smoke bomb on floor and disappears into the night...*

* - Is it just me, or does radioactive fire sound like something you dreamed up in 5th Grade math class as it consumed your school? Ah, Da Vinci can have his canvas, I'll take my marble notebook ruled paper.

** - Everyone knows Japan's actually most precious commodity: Giant Fighting Robots.

*** - Yeah, I'll quote "Talladega Nights". How do you feel about that? THAT JUST HAPPENED!

Ka....like the wind......

"The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed...."

This is rather dated and ambigious info, but its need to be mentioned is apparent:

Stephen King has sold the rights to a series of movies based upon his landmark and unequaled masterpiece of an uber-story, "The Dark Tower", to J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof (of "Lost" fame) for $19.00.

That's right. Nineteen bucks.

Okay, if you are a Dark Tower freak, as I most obviously am, you already know the significance of the number 19, particularly within the 5th, 6th and 7th installments. Which is, of course, just a tasty little nugget* as to why I am fairly confident that A) we will see a film adaptation of "The Gunslinger" within the next five years, and B) for everything bad anyone could say about previous S.King movies, this one looks to be going to ACTUAL fans of the series, hence might be the most orgasmatastical** event in the history of the human sense of vision.

here's one of the many stories around the net that covers this solstace of badassery: SlashFilm, but there seem to be many, many more to be found...


* - This, however, is not a nugget, despite several credible reports from our Nobel prize-winning staff journalist.
** - Oh yes, that IS a word. And here is its definition.

01-18-08...a day without sex...

If you listen closely, you can almost hear my penis cry as it realizes it will never be used again....


01-18-08

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOO, etc. etc. etc.

Some thoughts:

1) The whole movie better be shot this way.
2) If this turns out to be a monster flick on the order of recent monster flicks, I may lose my fucking mind. In other words, if Ferris Bueller or Hank Azaria show up on screen, I might kill some people. I'm not sure which people, but rest assured, some living thing will die.
3) Viral Marketing might be the key to eliminating the nerd-gene out of the human populace by means of occupying nerds' complete life with the search for cryptic clues buried on suspect flash websites.

Honestly, this movie might never have a chance to be half as entertaining as the speculation about said movie that has suddenly been blitzkrieg-ing the internet. Some favorite theories include: the monster is the "Lion" mentioned in the Book of Revelations; the monster is the goddess Shiva from Hindu mythology; the monster is Clthulhu of H.P. Lovercraft's classics; this is all some gargantuan plot-twist for the television show "Lost"; etc., etc., etc.

The horrifying truth about the monster's identity: one word.........Guttenberg.

Some more pics and links to follow later today....