"... the Republic will be reorganized into the Virgin Galactic Empire!"

Spaceport America, the first major commerical space travel departure point on Earth, has been announced to open in 2010. The site, located in New Mexico, will be the hub for Virgin Galactic air(space?)lines, which will ferry afluent people from terra firma to the orbiting Galactic Suites Space Hotel. It will also be the headquarters of XPrize Cup and Rocket Racing League.
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Right off the bat, let me say that we, as a civilization, missed a golden opportunity to name this thing "Mos Eisley". However, failing that glorious hypothetical scenario, the very existence of a spaceport on Earth is enough to divert blood flow to the southern hemisphere of my body. Granted, it only flies one place. And that one place won't be finished until two years after the spaceport. And that one place will also only be applicable for the roughly 40,000 out of the 7 billion human beings on the planet, who can afford the $4 million dollar fee. But still.... ITS A FUCKING SPACEPORT!!
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Look for scattered news reports about a troubled youth chopping off odd-looking bar patrons' arms in about a year. When witnesses will be questioned, they will reveal that the youth left the bar only after a large, hairy man and scruffy rogue informed him that their vessel was capable of avoiding "Imperial entanglements". Which translates to "being able to avoid Richard Branson.... at all costs".










Source (Geekologie)...

Perfect Gifts for your Stupid Kid.

Two new products for kids today, both brought to you by the fine folks at Geekologie. First, a company is releasing a Crayola crayon scented perfume, which will totally off-set that soiled underwear and baby powder smell little Bobby always brings to kindergarten with him.... and will also tooooootally get him laid..... should he know what that is. Secondly, scientists have perfected a method to colorize soap bubbles for children's entertainment, and it only took then TEN YEARS. Of course, my original patent application for a similar product was declined in 1996. Apparently, "magic" is not an F.D.A. approved ingredient.

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So now you're stupid kids can have more shit that they will never appreciate. Just set it next to the $4,000 entertainment system you put up in their "Play Room". Again, when I put a "Play Room" in my house, the D.E.A. chased me across seven states. Apparently, trafficing heroin is not a "children's activity".

Crayon Perfume (Geekologie)...

Clubbin' Bubbles (Geekologie)...

President Tsavong Lah

As per a report from Harvard Medical School, amongst other contributing scientists, human beings are between 3 to 10 years away from attaining the ability to manufacture artificial life from scratch. Unlike genetic modification, which has grow into such fields as stem cell research and gene therapy, the concept of artificial life is the creation of DnA, or more specifically the addition of eight new bases (as opposed to the 4 genetic bases that make up all known life). Such an innovation may pave the way to a technological revolution, shifting human progression from mechanically-based technology to biologically-based technology.

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Ok. I'm well aware that no one in my audience has read the New Jedi Order series, and therefore any joke made about the Yuuzhan Vong and their obsession with living technology would be lost on you. However, I will still put a Vong picture up and an extensive reference to them regardless. Why? Because I'm a dick. And futhermore, reverting to my most immature, prickish behavior is the only thing that can calm me as I read this story. I don't know about you, but every last word of that story scared the beejesus out of me. Because whats better than a television? A television that you have to feed squirrel meat to in order to keep it alive! And god knows how much I'd like my computer to have its own thoughts and feelings... so that I may forever destroy its sanity under mountains and mountains of deeply-disturbing/highly-erotic pornography.

Full Story (CNN)....

Jessica Alba = Hot. Its science. Literally.

Apparently, a group of mathematicians at Cambridge University (who seem to have their priorities in order) have calculated a mathematical formula for determining a woman's attractiveness by measuring one's waist in ratio to one's hips. The perfect formula? A woman's waist should be equal to 70% of her hips. And the most well-known woman who possesses these dimensions: Jessica Alba. Hence, Jessica Alba is scientifically the most attractive woman on the planet. Way to go. Cambridge University just invested serious funds in the same pursuit of that famous and distinguised think-tank we all commonly know as FHM. And just like FHM, they concluded that the answer is Jessica Alba. Watch for the opposition theory starring Halle Berry or Lindsay Lohan from the combined team of Oxford and Maxim later this year..... And then watch for the authentic theory to be released concerning Natalie Portman.... by me.... in the form of several impromptu performance art pieces involving fresh goose down and sixteen gallons of crow blood.

Full Story (HollywoodTuna)...