Somewhere, Angels are Singing

Well, Hotel Chevalier, the 13-minute short that is meant to precede The Darjeeling Limited, hit the internet this morning with Natalie Portman's magnificent ass on full display, as well as her nude.... flank? Honestly, what would you describe a girl in profile, conveniently obscuring her breast with her arm, yet displaying the most spectacular profiled-outline of a woman that you ever seen? Alright, I can tell I'm losing some of you already. But watch the clip, and then tell me otherwise. And then I'll inform you, in return, of your latent, and now full-blown, homosexuality. Which is cool, man. Hey, you can't change who you are. But maybe you should stop living a double life, and this Thanksgiving sit your parents down for a nice long chat. And when your father claims he doesn't believe it, saying that you're just confused, you too can show him this video. When he hears your reaction, all of his doubts will be assuaged. From there on out, its easy street. A penis filled easy street.
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Furthermore: oh for the day when Ms. Portman will make the jump from extremely sexy, yet cock-teasing nude scenes (see: Closer, Goya's Ghost, etc.) and just start walking around every film naked as the day she was born. And I don't mean just her movies, I mean EVERY movie. "Riggs! I'm too old for this shit!" "Shut the fuck up, Rog, did you see that nude pixie that just walked by?!" *Danny Glover rolls head on swivel, and then blows Mel Gibson's brains out* "I've been waiting five movies to do that..... *muttering to himself* ... play second fiddle to a Evangelical Australian, my black asshole! I killed the Predator for christ's sake...

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Re-Portmanize

"Oh, I'm going to soooo pwn Anakin after I finish this Jedi training... Choke me, will you? You whiny little bitch."

Natalie Portman, who has been quite overlooked on this site recently and as such has been sent my left pinky toe via express mail as my chosen form of apology, is starting to slowly re-appear around the blogosphere in the past week or so. After rumors broke earlier about her supposed nude scene in Wes Anderson's short film, Hotel Chevalier, she has also been spotted with a new boyfriend at the U.S. Open the other day, and will shortly begin to promote her upcoming children's movie, Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, alongside Dustin Hoffman. AND, in evidence of just how much people crave Portman-related news, the following pictures have popped up of Natalie walking around her neighborhood in Manhattan looking uber-pissed. Sure, you could venture the guess that she is just irritated by the paparazzi taking said pictures, but then you'd only be showing your own ignorance of the fact that Natalie Portman is just straight-up gangsta. That girl is 90 lbs. of blood-soaked, kilo-moving, heater-tote-ing, life-sentence super thuggery. She can never love you, she can only love the game.

Source (Egotastic!)....

Tease Me Not, Wes Anderson!

Natalie Portman, best known for haunting my dreams, is rumored to finally appear nude in the upcoming Wes Anderson short film, Hotel Chevalier. However, I have no idea how this rumor is substantiated, and thus must sort it under "Unlikely" in my hopes and aspirations filing cabinet. After similar rumors for Closer and Goya's Ghost, expect her upcoming project, Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, to open with claims that Natalie playfully masturbates with children's toys for half of the movie.

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Do people need to hurt me like this? Do they wake in the morning and turn to themselves saying "You know who deserves some limitless frustration.... that kid with the HUUUUUUGE penis!" Honestly, what other reason can they have to hate me so other than pure jealousy. Listen, if you've possessed an internet connection in the last ten years, and have been remotely interested in Natalie Portman, then you HAVE seen her topless before. But unlike other actresses where once you've seen the goods, you feel as if the mystery is solved, with Natalie all you feel is the bitter emptiness until you see it again. And again. And again. And again. And when the local church kicks you out of its computer lab for making said pictures the background on every one of the children's section desktops, you can tell them that its the fault of whoever teased you with more Portman nudity. After all, the aforementioned is just the natural cause-and-effect. Kinda like the sun warming the Earth. Or drugs bringing success and happiness to your life. Its inevitable.... Neo.

Source (Popoholic)...