Natalie Portman, best known for haunting my dreams, is rumored to finally appear nude in the upcoming Wes Anderson short film, Hotel Chevalier. However, I have no idea how this rumor is substantiated, and thus must sort it under "Unlikely" in my hopes and aspirations filing cabinet. After similar rumors for Closer and Goya's Ghost, expect her upcoming project, Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, to open with claims that Natalie playfully masturbates with children's toys for half of the movie. ....
Do people need to hurt me like this? Do they wake in the morning and turn to themselves saying "You know who deserves some limitless frustration.... that kid with the HUUUUUUGE penis!" Honestly, what other reason can they have to hate me so other than pure jealousy. Listen, if you've possessed an internet connection in the last ten years, and have been remotely interested in Natalie Portman, then you HAVE seen her topless before. But unlike other actresses where once you've seen the goods, you feel as if the mystery is solved, with Natalie all you feel is the bitter emptiness until you see it again. And again. And again. And again. And when the local church kicks you out of its computer lab for making said pictures the background on every one of the children's section desktops, you can tell them that its the fault of whoever teased you with more Portman nudity. After all, the aforementioned is just the natural cause-and-effect. Kinda like the sun warming the Earth. Or drugs bringing success and happiness to your life. Its inevitable.... Neo.
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