Kim Kardashian recently told a reporter that she has been cheated on by every guy she's ever dated, save the first one. I'd go on to quote from the article, but you know what, lets skip Kardashian's probably-Shakespearian quality tale of love and loss, and jump right into the meat of the matter. The meat, of course being, Kim Kardashian's huge ass. DAAAAAAAAMN, etc. etc. Seriously though, I'm going to go ahead and guess that Kim Kardashian's definition of "boyfriend" goes something like this: "a hottie that I totally went down in the V.I.P. room at_______ (fill in posh club name here)." Also, and this is a message to all women, its hard to take you seriously when you say you've had your heart broken... and two nights later your fucking some other dude. Still, condolences to Kim. We can only pray that your millions of unearned dollars, italian sports cars, and father's obnoxiously large house (bought with the blood money of a thousand guilty men let free) will comfort you.
Personally, when a girl "breaks my heart", I handle it by rubbing one out to Kim Kardashian. Oooh! There's another coping mechanism for you! Stare at yourself in a mirror and masturbate vigorously. Repeat three times a day for six weeks, always with makeup on, and never after eating. At the conclussion of the six week term, collect all videotaped observation of your "treatment" and send it me, care of my penis. Thats about the best advice I can give to you. Oh, and that you have a HUGE ASS. Just thought you should be reminded again.
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