A Jessica Biel Moment

Don't ask why, but I caught myself watching "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry" the other night (btw... does Adam Sandler substitute actual comedy for adding a new comedians from his flock at Happy Madison now? It just seems everything he touches turns to shit, and yet he gets top billing over the vastly-more funny people that he surrounds himself with), and the only thing that kept me watching was the entrancingly hot Jessica Biel. Seriously. Look at that body. It doesn't just look sexy... it looks fun. I don't know what that means... but I definitely mean it. Logic bomb, bitch!

Can we trade the Invisible Jet for Invisible Clothes?

Rumors are flying around the net this morning that Jessica Biel, she of the flawless body, is being cast as Wonder Woman for the upcoming JLA adaptation. Of course, every indication has... ummm... indicated that this film will be CGI, however nerds still cannot be swayed from any breath of hope that this all will end with Ms. Biel swinging a golden lasso that makes you tell the truth.
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Yes. Jessica Biel is hot. And yes, it always fun to see hot women portray comic book characters. But honestly, whats so fucking attractive about Wonder Woman? Sure, the costume allows for minor cleavage. And I suppose that those who are leg-inclined enjoy the generous view of her pins that the costume provides. But I can think of about 73 more revealing comic book costumes I'd rather see this girl in. Frankly, I think the nerds who are still getting all hot and bothered over this are probably those who went through puberty in 1974. Which would make them about 40 now.... and still living in their parents basement. NERDS OF THE WORLD, HEAR ME! The time has come to let natural selection take its course. For no early twenties nerd can associate with a mid-40s nerd without feeling vastly uncomfortable.... and mildly nauseated by the sheer volume of Cheetos crumbs laying upon the shelf that is their man-breasts. Let us rise up, and once and for all let them know that Logan's Run and The Prisoner suck. Its people like these that let Dr. Who back onto American television. Listen, the future from the 1970's perspective is about as likely to occur as my third testicle suddenly no longer glowing so that girls might not shriek in horror* whence I layeth them. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a dump in a certain, poorly-acronymed, London phone booth.

Olivia Munn looking good in Wonder Woman attire... but then imagine her, or Jessica, as say.. Starfire for starters.

Source (IWatchStuff)....

* - Horror = Brainless Lust

Pseudo-Porn

Several hot celebrities are..... NOT getting nude this month. But they're kinda scantily-clad, and giving you "fuck-me" eyes. And in the world of hopeless geeks, thats about the same thing. Hell, I think that might even qualify as sex for nerds. "Congratulations, my friend. You have just been laid". I never tire of it, either, Master Shake.

Hayden in FHM UK, Jessica in FHM France, and Roselyn in Maxim.

More Hayden Panettiere (Popoholic)...

More Roselyn Sanchez (RedBalcony)...

More Jessica Biel (Popoholic)...

Jessica Biel Loves Quiet, Lesbian Orgies at Home

Jessica Biel, who is supposedly dating Justin Timberlake AND appearing nude in a new movie (hence : infinitely newsworthy), recently told Glamour that she is done with "mothering thing with trying to save bad boys", and refuses to allow new boyfriends to take any time away from her girlfriends. Expanding on that point, she went on to say that she has grown tired of going out to clubs after turning 21 a few years back, and now prefers to say at home with her friends.

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The thought process that goes through my head when imagining Jessica Biel at home with her friends should be pretty self-evident. Lets just say lots of pink pillows and wrestling matches are involved. And a single, mildly-retarded badger. But as far as the bad boys thing goes when considering she wants to be a homebody now, let me throw this out there: if staying home with a guy that will cry in your arms after sex is what you're looking for, then look no fucking further. Although, somehow, Biel seems less like the "crying AFTER sex" type, and more like the "crying DURING sex" type. Because its just so beautiful.
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And it will never happen again. *sobs uncontrollably*

Full Story (Celebitchy)....

Wonder Women

Katie Holmes, who was once the masturbatory object of many a teenage boy's eye and has since become known solely for her faux marriage to a homosexual, alien-worshipping version of Cole Trickle, is apparently being scouted to play Wonder Woman in the upcoming, and long-planned, movie of the same name.

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Why are they still trying to make Wonder Woman? I consider no story to be too ridiculous to make a decent plot out of it, but I will concede that if there ever was such a premise, this would be it. A supernaturally-strong Amazon, with an obnoxious (if revealing) costume, who can block bullets with her armbands and owns a lasso that makes you tell the truth. Seriously. How... The.... Fuck... Do you make that interesting?! It even suffers from the greatest of all comic book cop-outs: the invisible jet. Attention Hollywood: just because you CAN make another comic book movie, does not mean you should. At this rate, I'm expecting a McGruff the Crime Dog movie before the decade is out.

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Oh, you doubt my prediction about this movie's inevitable ball-sucking, here are the other actresses who have already, at some point, been set to play this role, but mysteriously could never close the deal:

From Left to Right

Uma Thurman, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Charlize Theron, Kate Beckinsale, Rachel Bilson, Jessica Biel, and... of course, Lindsay Lohan

Full Story (TunaFlix)....

Jessica Biel forces me to start praying again.

Jessica Biel has recently begun work on a new film, in which she will play a stripper. While this is nice for all involved, what's nicer is that supposedly she is considering some nudity for the role. While usually famous actresses hammer out very strict clauses in the contracts dealing with nudity before they come within six miles of the film set, hence this story will probably turn out to be false, I'm reserving hope that Jessica is God's gift to sexually-frustrated young men. I mean, we've all basically seen her all but naked already, so why not just go for the whole thing. And by whole thing, I mean this movie should be 2 hours of Biel completely naked, in harsh lighting, with no soundtrack, and slowly turning clockwise. That's how I likes my pornography: stark.
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The rest of this drool-inducing story (Popoholic)...