Monday, September 24, 2007

Slitting Throats with a Moto RAZOR.

Shannyn Sossamon is apparently about to star in a new "Oh My God, Technology is Related to Death!" horror movie. One Missed Call has something to do with recieving a phone call notifying you of your imminent death. Of course, the only person that figures this out and doesn't immediately die is the hottest girl in the film, Ms. Sossamon. Of further course, the only person who believes her is a down-and-out cop, played by Ed Burns. And the only person who cares at all about any of this is my friend, Milt*, who wallpaper-ed his room with Fangoria covers by the 7th grade, and now spends night after night in Tom Savini's bushes, jerking off on a pile of squibs covered in fake blood.
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Just curious: is technophobia the only viable plot hook for horror movies now? If its not a cell phone that beckons the reaper, its a computer game. Or the internet itself. Or your digital cable. Or the SeaDoo in your neighbors yard that he never uses, but refuses to let you borrow. In any case, someone should tell these people that the only real fear attached to these devices is chronic virginity. And Pringles-related food poisoning. But, if I may, let me just quote the prophet, Thomas Edward Yorke, with the classic proverb: "I'm not afraid of computers. They're just sitting there. I can still hit them with a 2x4."
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* Fact: "Milt" is an acronymical anagram for "I Like Terrible Movies". Which, believe me, he does.

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