Death on Set

A special effects technician on the set of The Dark Knight died yesterday during a chase sequence when his 4 x 4 crashed into a tree.

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And somewhere, in some other realm, Brandon Lee is reading this and wondering why it wasn't Christian Bale doing the dying. Not because he thinks its unfair that he, as the star of his particular movie, died filming The Crow and Bale did not. But instead because of all dead beings' intense hatred for Christian Bale. For its a well-know fact that Bale spends almost all of his free time defecating in fresh graves. "Let's leave 'em a rosebud to rest in peace with!"

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Yeah, I know. I'm reaching. But you tell me something funny that you could ascribe to a a SFX guy dying on set. Unless said death involved being eaten by a bunch of mechanical, fake heads. But you don't wanna talk about my 7th birthday party anymore than I want to remember it, do you? I thought not.

Source (TheBlemish)....

Slitting Throats with a Moto RAZOR.

Shannyn Sossamon is apparently about to star in a new "Oh My God, Technology is Related to Death!" horror movie. One Missed Call has something to do with recieving a phone call notifying you of your imminent death. Of course, the only person that figures this out and doesn't immediately die is the hottest girl in the film, Ms. Sossamon. Of further course, the only person who believes her is a down-and-out cop, played by Ed Burns. And the only person who cares at all about any of this is my friend, Milt*, who wallpaper-ed his room with Fangoria covers by the 7th grade, and now spends night after night in Tom Savini's bushes, jerking off on a pile of squibs covered in fake blood.

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Just curious: is technophobia the only viable plot hook for horror movies now? If its not a cell phone that beckons the reaper, its a computer game. Or the internet itself. Or your digital cable. Or the SeaDoo in your neighbors yard that he never uses, but refuses to let you borrow. In any case, someone should tell these people that the only real fear attached to these devices is chronic virginity. And Pringles-related food poisoning. But, if I may, let me just quote the prophet, Thomas Edward Yorke, with the classic proverb: "I'm not afraid of computers. They're just sitting there. I can still hit them with a 2x4."

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* Fact: "Milt" is an acronymical anagram for "I Like Terrible Movies". Which, believe me, he does.

Full Story (IWatchStuff)...

"Auntie Em" is the Safety Word

Todd McFarlane apparently reads this blog, and caught my obscure reference to his Wizard of Oz toys, which is so obscure as a matter of fact that I can't find the entry where I even mentioned them anymore. Oh, and of course, anything said, done or thought about in the real world that resembles something on this site constitutes that it was totally done at my behest. Anyways, due to my incredible (read: impractical) referencing skills, McFarlane is in talks to make a remake of the classic Oz tale based on his toys, working with A History of Violence scribe, Josh Olson. Which means that in twelve months or so, we will see Pan's Labyrinth meets The Story of O. Which begs the question: where is Tim Burton in all of this? This is the kind of thing that guy gratifies himself to. Literally. I've seen it. More specifically at the local Hot Topic, in broad daylight, answering anyone who comes to question his behavior with "I..... Am.... Batman!". Oh, wait, that might've been me. My bad.

Full Story (IWatchStuff)...

The Spirit of Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson has reportedly signed on to Frank Miller's newest work, The Spirit. Miller, who wrote Sin City and 300, is adapting the Will Eisner comicbook, and has also cast Samuel L. Jackson in the film. Johansson will play "Silken Floss", a character which draws heavily on the "dangerous curves" femme fatale slant.

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Even though this isn't an original Miller work, I'm fairly sure his penchant for the scantily-clad (whether they be cowboy-stripper Jessica Alba's, or loincloth-warrior Gerard Butler's) will pay huge dividends the second Scarlett comes on screen. And then, I too will "pay huge dividends".... all over the back of the neck of the person sitting infront of me. But before they can turn around, I will purposely spill my cherry slushee all over myself and look extremely surprised, saying "Man, I don't know either. I was just sitting here and all of a sudden there was a bright blue fire and then this thing was everywhere. I think it spontaneously combusted".

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Then, after they go to the bathroom, wash up and return, I'll do it again. Only this time, I'll spill the slushy on their neck for real, and wait till they turn around to "pay up", screaming "SUUUUUPER SLUSHEEEEEEE!" before running out the theater.

Full Story (Popoholic)...

Zenu! You Cheeky Fucker!

Eleven extras were injured on the set of Valkyrie recently when a bolt failed and sent them flying off the back of a truck on set. For those who didn't know, Valkyrie is the upcoming Tom Cruise film about the failed assasination plot against Adolf Hitler towards the end of the World War II. And for a movie about trying to kill Hitler, this movie has been mired by controversy from day one. Earlier, the German government refused to allow the studio to shoot sequences at certain historical sites.
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I'm going to go ahead and immediately assume that all of these problems are the result of Tom Cruise's "religious" beliefs. After all, if you were a international movie star who had committed millions to the Church of Scientology, I'd think the deposed intergalactic Emperor, Zenu, would be trying to throw a wrench in your works, too. I mean, you spend all that time and money on genocidally liquidating half the Universe's population, and then closeted jerk from the alien graveyard planet has the balls to plot against you! Dispatch the space fleet! Orbital bombardment to commense within the hour! The "Cruise" must be stopped!
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What a ridiculous faith. Space lords? Alien genocide? Thetans and E-meters? Psssh. Thank you, but I'll stick with leading my life based on the misconstrued philosophizing of a 2,000 years dead carpenter from halfway around the world. Its called "logic", people. No one is going to take your faith seriously, unless you start harshly judging someone other than psychiatrists. Because thats what religion is all about: persecution.

Source (IWatchStuff)...

Grumpy is a Slow Mutant

According to a Hong Kong newspaper, Natalie Portman is currently in talks to play Snow White, opposite Jet Li (?!), in a new re-imagining of the classic fairy tale. And by "re-imagining", I mean decidedly anime-esque. Apparently, the story will take place thousands of years after the events of the original Snow White, and now has alot to do with reincarnation, Shaolin Temples, and again.... Jet Li (?!?!).
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Now, I've got to agree with IWatchStuff on this one. All of this sounds just a little too crazy to be true. Not the interesting kind of crazy either. More like the Todd McFarlane action figure kind of crazy. I mean, its cool at first to see the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz as a horrific, mechanical abomination. But after a month or so collecting dust on the shelf, all it brings you is the security of mind that no female will ever set foot in your place again. Well, that and the fact that you smear your own feces on the wall daily. But hey, you find me a better way to keep bears away from your living room, then I'm aaaaaaaaalllllllllll ears.
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Full Story (IWatchStuff)....