Sucks for you, Beantown.

Apparently, Paris Hilton was recently in Boston, and treated the locals to her award-winning karaoke and nipple-slip dinner show. After rolling around on a few couches, and warbling some ballad in a buzzing, nasal, insect-like drone, her dress decided to take mercy* on the crowd, and tried to whip the twins out as compensation.

Man, it sucks to be in and/or from Boston these days, huh? Your Golden Age of Sports, which was the subject of almost a century of expectation (and probably a fair number of occult rituals) before it finally came about around 2002, is coming to an end after less than a decade. And your consolation prize is a near-nude visit from Paris Hilton?! Thats the "pity sex" of celebrity nudity... in that it sure would a pity for your genitals if you choose to have sex with her. Then again, syphillis can treated with medication. Losing the Superbowl to the Giants lasts a lifetime.

Its like the entire city that was built on an Indian burial ground. My advice, Boston, is to just for a clean slate. Raze your city to the ground, and then start over a few miles away. But you might want to stop swearing in your Mayor on the Necronomicon, too, just to be safe. And maybe think about ditching those accents. They might be offending God.

* - "Mercy" is apparently a concept not well understood by Versace dresses.