Thats One Dead Dog

Leona Helmsley's, a miserably rich argument for geriatricide, last will and testament was released to the public yesterday. And who's the big winner? Her dog, Trouble, with $12 million dollars. You heard me. A fucking dog. And, on top of it, she decided to allow some mysterious grudge with 2 out of her 4 grandchildren to fuck them over forever, leaving them nothing but a metaphorical middle finger for all eternity.
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First question: the picture. I know. But here's your choice: you can look at some chick in her 80's who is nearly as digusting on the outside as she in within; or you can look at some chick from the 80's who is so beautiful on the outside that I touch myself on the inside..... wait, what? Forget it, anyways, just how much can you hate a family member that you leave them nothing from a multi-billion dollar empire. I mean, I suppose I can think of a few of my own that might deserve it, but I'm pretty sure its not a good idea to actually do it. Here's your problem, Corpse of Ms. Helmsley: these people are still alive and you are not. How are you going to defend your prized New York-aristocrat reputation in three years when they come out and produce evidence that you had a penis? Sure, they're poor. But you're dead. I'm pretty sure poor and alive still beats rich and dead in America. At least for the time being.
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Unanswered Questions:
1) How does a dog spend $12 million dollars? Furthermore, how does said dog fill out a will to deal with whatever's left over? Is it distributed out amongst her puppies? Or, failing that she has any puppies, is it donated to the United Maltese College Fund?
2) What is sexier: Kathy Ireland or the myriad of home furniture that pops up in Google Images when you search for her name?
Answers:
1) House-breaking.... Stamps her paw in ink.... Yes.... Definitely Yes, resulting in a hilarious Disney movie entitled "M.I.T. Maltese".
2) Seems like an obvious answer.... until you see that Ottoman in the pink number on page 3. Everyone knows Mahogany is so much sluttier than Oak.

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