An eighth-grade Honors student in New Haven, CT has been suspended from school, stripped of his class Vice President title and barred from attending the Honors program dinner for purchasing Skittles from another classmate on school grounds. This was a violation of Connecticut's school wellness policy dating back to 2003. Well, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: Connecticut is a brutal, fascist, third-world country dressed up like a WASP-y, tasteless, cultural black hole of a state. This is literally the place where fun goes to die. "Sure, I can afford a thirty-two acre farm in upstate New York... but, you know, I've always wanted a half-acre right next to a hundred-thousand other assholes without personality... that way we can complain about the 'minorities' and the estate tax at our ritalin-devouring children's soccer games!" These are the same people that try to convince you of their rich culture by forcing you to go to a Boy Scout revolutionary-era presentation on how to make apple cider, or something similarly irrelevant and boring... at 9am on a Sunday fucking morning. So, in closing, fuck Connecticut and everyone who lives there. Your only purpose is to provide a nearby place to buy Powerball tickets.
And kid, next time just buy drugs from your classmate. It'll give you something to do during the suspension... and all the other kids will think you're cooooool. Plus, there's the added bonus of probably ruining your chances at getting into an Ivy League school, and therefore shattering your soul-dead parents' dreams in the process. Two birds, son. Two birds.
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