Hilton Wants Baby; Child Services Already Looking for Hilton

Paris Hilton. Thats all that need be said of her. You know the rest. UNTIL NOW! Because apparently Ms. Hilton is tired of the hopelessly-vacuous club tramp look, and will be trading in that look for soccer mom as of next year. Or so she claims.

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What don't people know about you?

“I wanna have like a family and a guy. Y’know, it just upsets me because I'm not anything like what people say about me, and this cartoon character that they've made of me is just completely false. It makes me mad that I'm such a good person and I'm treated like that by some people, I just don't get it.”
How does one prepare to change her entire life overnight?

“I just started working out and it feels great. It gives me so much energy. I want kids next year, so I've got to get my body ready.”
How do you plan to meet Mr. Right?

“I used to care about looks, but I've grown out of that stage. They have to be a good person, someone I know would be a good husband, loyal and funny and smart. And somebody I can trust, with good chemistry. But I don't know, I like a guy who can make me laugh.”

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Seriously. Because we all know that a child is like twenty Louis Vutton handbags as far as accessories go. I truly hope L.A. County Superior Court is taking note of all this. They could save alot of time by just photocopying the Britney Spears child-neglect case files and whiting out only the names of the people involved, to be replaced later. Three observations:

1) Anyone want to start a pool for who this propsective father will be? My vote: Dave Coulier.

2) Is it possible that one single woman can re-orient the entire country's beliefs on abortion? Instead of 50% pro-choice and 50% pro-life, everyone just goes 100% pro-death.... for Paris Hilton.... for even suggesting that she intends to reproduce. I think civilization can only take one Paris Hilton per thousand years*, lest God release His holy vengeance.

3) I'd imagine that Paris having a child would be kinda like a soda can falling down through a Coke machine. The kid will sustain serious brain damage purely from bouncing off the walls of her eternally spacious vagina.

* - Little known fact: 1st millenea Paris Hilton = Charlemagne.

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