Law and Order District Attorney, oh... and United States Senator from Tennessee, Fred Thompson has officially announced his presidential canidacy. The announcement came during Thompson's appearance on The Tonight Show last night. Thompson hopes to consolidate the yet-unclaimed Republican base, who have yet to forcefully back any particular GOP candidate. .....
Its always fun to get so psyched up about a pseudo-celebrity running for elected office, especially when he actually has weaker convictions than Governor Dutch (aka Jack Matrix, aka Jack Slater, aka John Kruger, aka Prince Hapi, aka Victor Freeze, aka John Kimble, aka Douglas Quaid, etc.*). Seriously, are we really, as a country, going to elect Fred Thompson? I mean, it seems like an obvious "no" answer, but I can't put it past middle-American electoral votes anymore. Nevertheless, I don't think even Americans are capable of electing this walking Government pension check. I'm sure presidential issues are easily solved by a two-minute, quip-heavy meeting with Secretary of Defense Jack McCoy and Secretary of State Ms. Whatever-Hot-Snobby-Looking-Girl-Is-Working-For-McCoy-This-Season. And if Iran launches a nuclear ICBM at Vancouver, you can place the entire city of Tehran in the gas chamber. Or, if they have a good lawyer, plea em down to first degree genocidal manslaughter.
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Ok. I've kinda meandered around this thing, and have not been very coherent. So let's not be funny. Lets be honest: Fred Thompson believes that the Iraq War is entirely necessary, subscribing to the "We Have to Fight Them Over There Instead of Here" flawed philosophy; is against any and all form of gay rights; posseses the uniquely-delusional and antithetical duality of being pro-death sentence and anti-abortion; has an astounding record of accused corruption and one of the highest Senate absence counts currently; and is married to a half-his-age trophy wife, who happens to be a major (if terrible) Republican fundraiser. In other words, meet one of the world's top twenty living douche bags. Here's to less Law & Order repeats for the next year!
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* - More Fun than Fred Thompson... More Arnie names: (cont'd)... Howard Langston, Julius Benedict, Kalidor, Conan, Harry Tasker, Adam Gibson, Cyberdyne Systems Model t-101, Gordy Brewer, Baron Von Stueben... and my personal favorite: Jericho Cane.
Full Story (CNN)....
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