Saturday, September 22, 2007

Plantiff seeking Immortality in Compensation


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A Nebraska State Senator, Ernie Chambers, recently sued God, Him/Herself, on the grounds of "making terrorist threats, inciting fear and widespread destruction upon millions and millions of Earth's inhabitants". Chambers, an eccentric agnostic who claimed to have filed the lawsuit to prove a point about how easy it is to file frivolous lawsuits, was surprised, however, to find that his suit was answered... but someone claiming to be "God". This "God" filed papers with the State Supreme Court of Nebraska in which He/She claimed to be "immune to Earthly laws and as such was not under the Nebraska legal system's jurisdiction". No one has claimed responsibility for the paperwork yet, and most are slyly claiming that the documents appeared suddenly with no human being to account for them.
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Honestly, this is one time that I can't chose whose side to take: the sacred or the secular. Not that I believe in the sacred by any stretch of the imagination, but both sides seem to have accrued equal irreverance points. Yet again, my soft-spotted children, the lesson is that humor is the key to debate. But the more pressing question here would be why is Morgan Freeman suing his own character from Bruce Almighty. It kinda negates the jurisdiction argument when the lawsuit against God was, in fact, filed against Himself. Is this part of that whole "divine mystery of the Holy Trinity" thing? The Holy Spirit taking the Son to court for a traffic collision? The Father countersuing the Holy Spirit for defamation? Me getting struck by lightining immediately upon finishing this post? Ha. Not likely. That God fella can't shoot for shit, and I'm just too fast for the old man. Too sexy, as well.
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Pictured left and right above, the aforementioned Morgan Freeman look-a-like, and the Alpha and Omega's current avatar. (For those left wondering, Natalie Portman is actually the physical avatar of a being much stronger than the one you and I know as "God". And that being's name... is Michael Jordan. Space Jam Bitch!)

Full Story (CNN)...
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A few more idols of God, ahem, Alessandra Ambrosio..

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