Now, I don't usually like to post on a story that I know will turn out to be false. However, considering that when I started writing this sentence the only place this story was being posted was at Celebitchy.com, a frequent source for this site, and by the time I put the final punctuation in a report on Fox News is already blaring over the airwaves backing up this claim. So, without any further ado, the most patently untrue celebrity rumor of the season goes to:....
Britney Spears has allegedly been implicated in putting a contract on Kevin Federline's life.
....
I know. I know. This can't be true. It would be too good. Like the waking up Christmas morning and finding Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley engaged in graphic, tantric lesbian sex beneath the tree kind-of good. However, just assuming this Hydrogen bomb of celebrity gossip is true, let me just say this: Ha!. Hahahahahaha. ... ... Hahaahahahaahahahahahahahahaha. Ha. To be honest, I was kinda rooting for Federline 
for the last few months (as I can appreciate anyone who can star in a timely, self-parody commercial), and this would permanently cement his legacy as being 180 degrees reversed from deadbeat husband to psychotic-marriage survivor. AND, maybe it will finally make America understand that the most offensive thing related to Spears is our nation's misguided need to "save" her. .... Because we can't commit to a viable endangered species protection program... but we can devote countless hours and dollars to trying to save a deep-south white trash, uneducated, untalented, overweight sex/drug addict from herself. The only solution: America takes a contract out on Britney Spears. C'mon, people. I'm starting a petition. We'll all just pitch in and go to Costco, buy 2 metric tons of bacon, and just drop it off in her driveway. I'd give it no more than 3 hours before the coroner is called in.
for the last few months (as I can appreciate anyone who can star in a timely, self-parody commercial), and this would permanently cement his legacy as being 180 degrees reversed from deadbeat husband to psychotic-marriage survivor. AND, maybe it will finally make America understand that the most offensive thing related to Spears is our nation's misguided need to "save" her. .... Because we can't commit to a viable endangered species protection program... but we can devote countless hours and dollars to trying to save a deep-south white trash, uneducated, untalented, overweight sex/drug addict from herself. The only solution: America takes a contract out on Britney Spears. C'mon, people. I'm starting a petition. We'll all just pitch in and go to Costco, buy 2 metric tons of bacon, and just drop it off in her driveway. I'd give it no more than 3 hours before the coroner is called in.
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