"The Lich King broods after being served by the Lord of the Nazgul's lawyer for copyright infringement." ....
This isn't breaking news anymore, almost a month old as a matter of fact, but if you'll permit me, lets talk about nerd cancer for a moment, or as its better known: World of Warcraft. At BlizzCon, held in South Korea in early August, Blizzard announced they will shortly be releasing the second expansion pack to the most successful video game of all time, following in the massive success of the first expansion, The Burning Crusade, released earlier this year. Wrath of the Lich King, picks up where Crusade left off, and before we get into the copious "make-fun-of-WoW-nerds" section of this entry, lets just run off the new additions to the game first:
- Level cap raised to 80.
- New continent: Northrend; Ten New Zones.
- Introduction of the first Hero Class: Death Knight.
- Several new Instances, most notably Icecrown Glacier with....
- .... new endgame boss: The Lich King, formerly Ner'zhul and Prince Arthas.
- New Profession: Inscription (essentially Enchanting for spells instead of weapons)
- Expanded Old Game Content.
....
Fucking Warcraft. This game has ended more prospective lives than ethinic cleansing could ever dream of. Only now, instead of finding a potential Einstein at the bottom of a mass grave, covered in lye, you'll find him in the form of a dry and flaky residue on countless computer keyboards. Hey, I've got an idea for you Mr. Night Elf Druid, oh I'm sorry... I mean "PwnMastr69420": in the time it took you to increase your Strength from 61 to 110, you could've lifted enough weights to increase your ACTUAL STRENGTH enough to left a small V.W....... OR, you coulda talked to a girl. Just throwing it out there, man.
....
So what is the product of this annoying combination of addictive gameplay with infuriating long requirements? Let me explain it in terms a WoW nerd would understand. A new class of human being has been produced. The Uber-Nerds have consolidated their position alongside the Koreans and the Socially-Crippled, and with an army of 9 million, have single-handedly put the future of human reproduction in doubt. All across the world, pale and frightened geeks bask in the alien blue glow of their computer monitors, auctioning Witchfury swords and grinding Yeti's in the Alterac Mountains. And all the while, the men's sperm count drops from inaction, and the women's eggs spoil as they realize that their owner has forsaken the ways of the Female. Eventually, a barren landscape, where no one speaks to friends in person or ever has sex with anything living, will appear. And when the aliens finally arrive, all they find that is left of us is a single, fat kid with a lisp, wandering the abandoned Earth, looking for a raid party that will never come.
....
No great loss.
Icion - Lvl. 60 Blood Elf Paladin - Mannoroth Server
Shanyuu - Lvl. 20 Orc Warlock - Mannoroth Server
Aserephyia - Lvl. 28 Night Elf Druid - Deathwing Server
Serucam - Lvl. 35 Draenei Warrior - Deathwing Server
Full Story (Wikipedia)...
- Level cap raised to 80.
- New continent: Northrend; Ten New Zones.
- Introduction of the first Hero Class: Death Knight.
- Several new Instances, most notably Icecrown Glacier with....
- .... new endgame boss: The Lich King, formerly Ner'zhul and Prince Arthas.
- New Profession: Inscription (essentially Enchanting for spells instead of weapons)
- Expanded Old Game Content.
....
Fucking Warcraft. This game has ended more prospective lives than ethinic cleansing could ever dream of. Only now, instead of finding a potential Einstein at the bottom of a mass grave, covered in lye, you'll find him in the form of a dry and flaky residue on countless computer keyboards. Hey, I've got an idea for you Mr. Night Elf Druid, oh I'm sorry... I mean "PwnMastr69420": in the time it took you to increase your Strength from 61 to 110, you could've lifted enough weights to increase your ACTUAL STRENGTH enough to left a small V.W....... OR, you coulda talked to a girl. Just throwing it out there, man.
....
So what is the product of this annoying combination of addictive gameplay with infuriating long requirements? Let me explain it in terms a WoW nerd would understand. A new class of human being has been produced. The Uber-Nerds have consolidated their position alongside the Koreans and the Socially-Crippled, and with an army of 9 million, have single-handedly put the future of human reproduction in doubt. All across the world, pale and frightened geeks bask in the alien blue glow of their computer monitors, auctioning Witchfury swords and grinding Yeti's in the Alterac Mountains. And all the while, the men's sperm count drops from inaction, and the women's eggs spoil as they realize that their owner has forsaken the ways of the Female. Eventually, a barren landscape, where no one speaks to friends in person or ever has sex with anything living, will appear. And when the aliens finally arrive, all they find that is left of us is a single, fat kid with a lisp, wandering the abandoned Earth, looking for a raid party that will never come.
....
No great loss.
Icion - Lvl. 60 Blood Elf Paladin - Mannoroth Server
Shanyuu - Lvl. 20 Orc Warlock - Mannoroth Server
Aserephyia - Lvl. 28 Night Elf Druid - Deathwing Server
Serucam - Lvl. 35 Draenei Warrior - Deathwing Server
Full Story (Wikipedia)...
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