Katie Holmes, who was once the masturbatory object of many a teenage boy's eye and has since become known solely for her faux marriage to a homosexual, alien-worshipping version of Cole Trickle, is apparently being scouted to play Wonder Woman in the upcoming, and long-planned, movie of the same name. ...
Why are they still trying to make Wonder Woman? I consider no story to be too ridiculous to make a decent plot out of it, but I will concede that if there ever was such a premise, this would be it. A supernaturally-strong Amazon, with an obnoxious (if revealing) costume, who can block bullets with her armbands and owns a lasso that makes you tell the truth. Seriously. How... The.... Fuck... Do you make that interesting?! It even suffers from the greatest of all comic book cop-outs: the invisible jet. Attention Hollywood: just because you CAN make another comic book movie, does not mean you should. At this rate, I'm expecting a McGruff the Crime Dog movie before the decade is out.
.....
Oh, you doubt my prediction about this movie's inevitable ball-sucking, here are the other actresses who have already, at some point, been set to play this role, but mysteriously could never close the deal:
From Left to Right
Uma Thurman, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Charlize Theron, Kate Beckinsale, Rachel Bilson, Jessica Biel, and... of course, Lindsay Lohan
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