Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Oops, I Neglected My Kids


Before I go any further, let me just point out how hard it is to find a good picture of Britney Spears these days. At this rate, if I have to go any further back in time to find her at a point in her life where she was attractive, I'm gonna be posting pictures of her as a zygote.
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Anyways, Spears was at Los Angeles County Superior Court on Monday for a hearing in a new investigation of allegations of child abuse leveled against the singer, not implicitly but fairly obviously, by ex-husband, Kevin Federline. These charges are reportedly not physical in nature, and stem principally from accusations of neglect in dietary and parenting concerns. Or, for the less legal-ese inclined: "K-Fed totally told his lawyer, who told the District Attorney, who told the Judge, who told Britney's agent, who told Britney's personal assitant, who told Britney that she feeds her babies pizza and soda instead of Gerber formula." Oh, and that she kissed Dave Johnson after the Fall Ball Dance at Stukies Pizza Parlor.
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Seriously, though, is anyone surprised? At all? In fact, I've really got nothing else in the way of Britney-Neglects-Her-Kids jokes. The girl is a vacuous whore, and kinda always has been. Although, this is a perfect argument for my "Childbearing Liscense Program", whereby people must pass a rigorous finanical, criminal and psychological background check before they are allowed to procreate. Britney's application would've been tossed once the clerk noticed she filled out "Kween of Sexi" under "Title" instead of "Ms.".... or that she wrote "Reelly Rich" under "Income Level"..... or that she filled the whole thing out in crayon.... or that the whole thing is covered in barbeque sauce and vodka stains.

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