Sunday, August 5, 2007

Lindsay Lohan of the 88 Powers

God, I'm tired of writing about this girl. Well, if nothing else, she provides me with excuses to talk about ocularly-pleasing women... and then contrast them to to this saggy red bag of refuse.
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Lindsay Lohan, better known as Marduk the Destroyer, has another "close friend" running around claiming that Lohan is full or herself and has been shit-talking other contemperary actresses. Now, I'm not foolish enough to not notice that a new "close friend" of Lindsay's is coming out everyday with a new horror story about Ms. Lohan's superhuman bitchakinetic powers. To be fair to the girl, at this rate, you'll find her running down Wilshire Blvd. next week in a loincloth and red cape screaming "Drive the Persians to the cliffs!", before shoving old ladies into traffic. However, I will concede, I wouldn't entirely be surprised if that turned out to be true also.
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I was originally going to put up contrasting pictures of Lindsay vs. the actresses she had judged unworthy of Lohanship, but after five minutes of assembling a counter-argument to "Scarlett Johansson is fat, ugly with no talent", I realized no one needs one. Thats like Hitler saying that Anne Frank was a genocidal monster. Or the sun saying that the moon was too yellow and blinding. Or like me saying that women look better in lipstick and eyeliner than I do. Its all just so obviously not true. And besides, this peach rouge really brings out my eyes.
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So instead, I'm starting a little project to list off 50 people that I can think of right off the top of my head that are hotter than Lindsay Lohan. Of course, omitting the legless bum who dances for nickels outside my apartment. And of course, "dances" means "performs graphic and rough sex acts with" in my neighborhood. It causes alot of problems at block parties.
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Top 50 Girls better looking than Lindsay Lohan (coming soon)

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