Hayden Panettiere, star of Heroes and one-time jewel in the Imperial Crown of Jailbait, turned 18 yesterday. She can now purchase cigarettes and vote. Or, more importantly, she can both purchase and/or appear in pornography. And of all of the above things, she will accomplish precisely ZERO of them. In fact, the only thing that will change is now we will have to hear which male celebrity she happens to be sleeping with at any given time.
....
Unless... we can develop some kind of porno ray*. ...... Excuse me, I have a date with the patent office.
* Porno Rays are actually a lesser known part of the Spectrum of Light, existing just below Infrared and above Crystal Meth rays.
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