Jack Nicholson, best known for being batshit insane and ocular albinism, can add a new milestone to his body's decay. Mr. Nicholson is now bereft of saliva glands, and has to constantly drink water so that he may swallow. This one might be fairly obvious, but my PhD from South Bushwick Surgeon's Vocational School and Bodega tells me that the problem may lie in the fact that he would choose Subject A (Brand X) over Subject B if given the opportunity. Honestly, I rarely drool over skeletons in tutu's either. Well, except for that Bacon Cheddar Soft-Shell skeleton I had on my last summer vacation. Side-note: if you're looking for top-shelf until-recently human cuisine, look no further than Sandals resorts.
More on Uncle Jackie's Condition (TheBlemish)...
Note: Why Elizabeth Hurley, you ask? Well... asking that question just made you gay. I bet you can feel the club tunes beginning to eat into your brain already.
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