Scouring the internet for time-burning news I came across this little list of potential actresses for the part of "Nariko", the heroine from the upcoming video game Heavenly Sword. Never you mind that the game hasn't been released yet, and therefore there is no basis for believing it is going to successful enough to denote a film adapatation. And, despite how it reads, I'm actually sincere about that point. Speculation, after all, is the mother of all time-burning. However, as good as Heavenly Sword looks, lets be honest with ourselves here, children. If they are going to make a film adaptation of this genre of video games, why not skip the derivative and go right to the source: Devil May Cry. Although, come to think of it, video game movies almost invariably suck, and I happen to have a special, lonely place in my heart (read: balls) for DMC, so... uh... yeah, go ahead and make that Heavenly Sword movie instead.
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And while you're at it, why not cast all of the actresses in the aforementioned speculation, and make up the loss in the budget you took for their enormous salaries by completely removing wardrobe from the film en masse. And substitute the supernatural swordfighting for supernatural lesbianism.
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And after the first ten minutes of that, just randomly switch it over to SportsCenter for the rest of the film. I already accomplished what I came here to do.
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Other Casting Suggestions (with damn-fine visual presentation) include:
Left to Right: Ali Larter, Keira Knightley, Lucy Liu, and Jessica Alba
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